The Truth About Unemployment

What they don't tell you about unemployment:

1) After a while, you begin to feel inadequate. Yes, inadequate. You begin to feel like you don't fit ANYWHERE. You fill out applications, but no response...even after follow ups. You begin to struggle with accepting you may have to take a job that you know you won't necessarily enjoy at all. Financial responsibilities must be met, and you honestly run out of time trying to find the job you really want. This brings you to the feeling of maybe you AREN'T as good at what you do as you think you are. It begins to feel like "nobody wants you". You begin to feel like your experience in the work field means nothing because you're having to settle for a job, say, in retail just to make ends meet. Not saying retail is a bad thing...it's just not my thing. 

2) Education DOES matter. I'm very much qualified to do what I feel is my calling, however, employers don't feel the same because I don't have the credentials to "prove" it. It's so unfortunate. I have the drive, I have the will, I have the creativity...and for the love of all things good, I have the experience! I'm over qualified for entry level, but under qualified for what I feel is my calling. I cannot simply go back to school, because student loans are not an available option for me. If employers could just look past the part of my resume that lists my education, and actually read my experience, maybe...just maybe I would be called in for an interview. That's my only chance to defend my position of why I feel I'm qualified for said position. 

3) Applications are not the same. Want to follow up on your resume and application? Be prepared to hear "You can check the status of your application online where you applied". So, the respected art of following up to show initiative and motivation no longer exists with many companies. How are we supposed to leave a good impression, or an impressionable footprint with admin? Why is it that the application form has become the sole representation of us as a person and professional? 

Knowing I likely won't get the chance to explain why I am qualified, I want more than 150-350 characters to fill out the "additional information" section. Resumes are supposed to be simple....I get that. But this is the only foot we get in the door now, so less is not more!

4) Emotional bipolar episodes. Yep. The struggle is real. In the middle if the day, out of nowhere, you realize you're jobless. You're broke. You don't know how you're going to keep going like this. You feel angry, sad, disappointed, inadequate (on many levels), worthless, and eventually, you feel like a failure. Stress wears you out, anxiety wears you down, and your strength dissipates. 

Unemployment is not a vacation. It's a painful struggle that I'd wish upon no one who cannot afford it. I know my path is being paved, I'm just growing tired of the detours. I know trust and hope and faith are essential, but sometimes I'm human and I have a hard time finding them. 

And when part of your support system encourages you to apply to places you'd be miserable just because they offer a good benefits package, it makes the sting a little less tolorable. Feeling like some people were actually excited that I was no longer in the human services world because it wasn't "good enough" also adds to the feelings of disappointment. Why can they not see it means something to me, deep down inside, to do the work that I do? Why have they NEVER asked why I do what I do, or what exactly it is that I do? How can they not care what differences I've made for others? How can they just make assumptions about what I do? 

All questions I don't really want answers to. All I really want is a chance; An employer to believe in me like I believe in me. 

Unemployment: it's for the birds. 

An Open Letter

Dear Bosses:

I am going to just jump right in and get to the soul of why I am writing you all.

I challenge you ALL to really get to know your employees. Genuinely be interested in them. Teach them, guide them, help them and nurture them into better employees, better people, and better professionals. Listen to their suggestions, trust their judgement and ideas, encourage their development and implementation of strategy, and most of all, appreciate their efforts. Show them they are valued, recognize their hard work, and let others know you have the best staff working for you.

Create a work environment that people will WANT to come to every day. Create an atmosphere that encourages a pleasant demeanor when your employees get home to their families after work. Be lenient, because if they are getting their work done, meeting deadlines, and driving results, then what is the harm if they work from home one day, or take a 2 hour lunch, or want to get some air? And for the love of all things good, let them laugh! Let them socialize! Let them ENJOY their time under your watch. Trust me, when you feel like you aren't allowed to laugh, or talk, or even appear as if you are having fun, it makes for a very long and exhausting work day.

Treat your employees with the same respect you would want. You are the leader. You are the role model. You are setting the example. Just remember that when they start mirroring nasty facial expressions, bad attitudes, and a cold demeanor. Take them to lunch, throw a random surprise party for no reason. Have a "bring your family for lunch" day. Pull pranks, tell jokes, leave small gag gifts on random people's desk. Encourage workplace morale. Hell, a simple handwritten card saying "thank you for being you" means more than you'll ever realize.

Be stern, but understanding. Be frank, but kind. Have boundaries, but let everyone know your door is always open. Touch base with your employees on a personal level. When you ask them how they are doing, mean it! When you ask if there is anything you can do for them, follow through! If their is a family emergency, it is not an inconvenience. It is not the time to make your employee feel bad about having to leave. Demand them to go because family comes first. Step up and fill in as needed. Call after hours to see if everything is okay with that employee's family. BE A HUMAN.

Challenge them to be better. Take them seriously. BELIEVE IN THEM! You are a team. No one is benched. Every player has a part, and every part is important enough to be valued.

Face confrontation in the workplace with poise, never avoid it. If there is tension in the workplace, don't just hope it blows over. Face it, fix it, then follow up to make sure your employees feel it has been fixed as well. Don't wait until the last minute to deliver bad news. Reassure your team that you are there for them. Watch you body language, for it speaks the loudest. Know your limits and practice tolerance.

Bottom line: make them want to stick around. Make them want to go above and beyond. Make them feel the sky is the limit. Make sure they are proud of their accomplishments, it will motivate them to maximize productivity. TAKE CARE OF THEM. After all, without your employees, you would fail. They keep you afloat, so busting their balloons will bring you down, too.

You were once there. It is your job to show them that it just keeps getting better.

Sincerely,
Beth

Marriage

One of the most influential classes I ever took in my college career was Argumentation. Not because I like to argue, but because I learned how to effectively debate a topic with an open enough mind to learn something new and gain perspective, while at the same time holding true to what I believe. If I took anything away from that class, it was this: In order to maximize the chance to influence those listening to you, you mustn’t start by proving a point…you start by simply making one. Your goal shouldn’t be to shut someone down, rather, it should be to open someone up to a different perspective long enough to develop a mutual rapport and respect for one another. Starting off this way makes it easier to reciprocate, thus hopefully resulting in a productive debate. Otherwise, we go off on tangents just trying to prove the other person wrong instead of agreeing on all the ideas we believe are right…from both sides. We don’t have to agree with everything, but if we agree on nothing, what was the debate worth? Pitting two sides further against each other? Promoting more justification to feel more right than the other?

Movements for policy change, educational standards, healthcare transparency, and so on require an understanding from the public about what and how results will change the systems for the better as well as the worse. What is in the best interest of our people? Will this benefit the targeted audience, or will it benefit corporations? Is there a way to benefit both?

I say all of this because I am truly baffled by the marriage equality issue still making headlines. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand it is part of how progress works, but I cannot help but take a HUGE step back and look at the big picture (one I think so many miss).  People are so caught up in the goal of what they are pushing for, that I believe they forget about the objectives to accomplish before they can get there. I want to further explore a few ideas, and hopefully make a few points about this topic. My goal here is not to prove anything right or wrong; I simply want to open some minds to the concepts that are either being pushed aside or ignored altogether.

      The “Gay Agenda”
An agenda is nothing but a plan for something to be done. Now, call me crazy, but wouldn’t any respectable person, group, or organization develop an agenda in order to adequately move toward their desired goal? It’s nearly required for anything from planning a vacation to running for president. So why all of a sudden is the LGBT community being called out for having or pushing an agenda? And to even expand on that further, aren’t those advocating and lobbying against marriage equality also pushing their own agenda? And just for fun, extrapolating this even further, why does pushing an agenda have to be viewed in a negative light? I mean, isn’t that how women’s rights were established? How about those who pushed to dissolve segregation? Oh, and let us not forget those who advocated for domestic violence to actually be punishable by law. And last but certainly not least, how about those who pushed, and made possible, the repeal of prohibition, which allows you to do things like go to Vegas, get hammered and then marry a stranger and really make a mockery out of “marriage”, but that’s neither here nor there, I guess.

I understand that some groups and organizations have agendas which promote unhealthy, harmful and detrimental objectives, but such outliers cannot be used to generalize the concept of what an agenda can actually do for others.

      “Protecting the Institution of Marriage”
Where do I begin on this one? I will start by asking, what exactly is it that they are protecting? I mean, really. For close to the majority of those who partake in the festivities as they enter into the “institution” of marriage, it ends in divorce (statistically speaking, this is fact). With as rampant as divorce is these days, I could throw out a fallacy and say by protecting marriage you are indirectly also protecting divorce, but I will leave that alone.

 In the debate, those advocating against marriage equality use the words “institution” and “sanctity” interchangeably. While to most, this would appear to be just fine, however, let us really take a look at how different those words really are when it comes to using them in this debate. Assigning the word institution to marriage, it simply means an established custom. Now, throw in the word sanctity, and you have developed the spiritual nature of the concept of marriage. So which are they protecting?

On one hand, we have an institution that, for many, is broken, where marriage is a money making business, the wedding is a bigger idea than the actual vows, and if at first you don’t succeed, marry 5 more times….or until you “find the one for you”. On the other hand, we have the sanctity of marriage. Is this really relevant in most marriages anymore? Is the “holy” still in “holy matrimony? And if it is, then why aren’t groups putting their time and resources into improving what they are so diligently protecting, because last time I checked, according to those defending the “traditional” definition of marriage for moral/spiritual reasons, divorce should be viewed as unacceptable, not a convenience.

3     Hypocrisy
Christians judging other Christians for judging other people. The irony in this is truly poetic.

Backwards Thinking
What if we as a people looked at this topic (or any topic of debate for that matter) like this:
Work FOR something rather than AGAINST. Not to work against a definition, but to work for it. This does not mean conform to and agree with something that violates your beliefs. It simply means, if you truly believe in your definition of marriage, work for THAT definition to matter to YOU and YOUR traditions. Working so hard against something that doesn’t directly affect you and your family is a waste of time, energy and resources. Instead, work toward creating and repairing a system that has taken the purity/holiness out of the concept of marriage. Work toward advocating for more education in the school setting, churches, and beyond on what marriage is, what it means in your congregation’s context, how to maintain healthy relationships, how to avoid dangerous/toxic relationships, how to get through the hard, and how to minimize divorce rates by focusing on the value of the exchanged vows “for better or for worse”.

Whether LGBT or straight, work toward something you can be wholly proud of. A goal that promotes and perpetuates tolerance without resorting to behaviors that wreak of a sense of entitlement and/or righteousness. Work toward understanding what you think you are saying when you say “for liberty and justice for all”. Whatever you identify as, do your part by leading by example and hope your influence is enough to enlighten and open minds to the idea that we can share love for one another despite how they may love. If your spirituality hinders you from the ability to accept some forms of love, then your only responsibility would be to keep leading by your definition of a good example and pray others will follow. If you are finding resentment in your heart toward those who cannot understand why people aren’t accepting of your lifestyle, your only responsibility is to encourage tolerance by avoiding hypocrisy and continue to embrace the differences in our community. Bottom line, no matter the side you choose to stand with, it becomes irrelevant when you realize everyone is fighting for the same thing: love.

Today's Forecast: Progress

I would like to make a suggestion. I would like anyone reading this to sit back and really think about progress you have made in your life. Think about where you were when you started, and think about the end result (whether you have gotten it or are still working on it). Easy, right?

So, now, look at what it took to get there. What it took for you to be able to say progress has been made. Look at how much effort was/is being put into it, how much time, pain, blood, sweat, tears, long days, and days where you felt like giving up. Only the people going through it seem to remember what those parts felt like.

My point is: progress isn't all that pretty. Just because someone appears to be regressing, or appears to be "moody" all the time, it doesn't mean they aren't making great strides to get to where they want to be in their life. It means they are in the midst of their storm and they are working through it. They aren't just waiting for the storm to pass them by...they are hunkered down, protecting themselves from flying debris, which we call triggers, and they are doing everything in their power to make sure the foundation of their shelter (their sense of being) stays in tact. That is not an easy feat! That is a lot of work!

It is not our job to understand their "weather patterns", but for the sake of humanity, we should feel responsible for supporting the journey, respecting the efforts, and not to take their behaviors personally. A simple smile, a random fist bump or high-five, a little note of encouragement goes a very long way. We often underestimate the simplicity of good we can do for others. Life is sometimes a struggle...and the struggle is real. No one should have to go through the struggles alone. No one should feel judged for slip ups, mistakes, or bad days....we all have them.

Progress isn't just moving forward. It is learning to move out of your own way to even see what forward looks like. For some, it is learning how to even walk again. We work on gaining balance, taking steps, and eventually running to your envisioned destination, so how can we expect not to trip, slip, fall, or even crash at some point along the way? Is that realistic? No! Some of us choose the long way, having to go through more obstacles. Some of us know shortcuts. Either way, your destination is just that...YOURS. So while you may be sailing through life right now, has it always been that way? Who and what helped put the wind in those sails? Could you have done it without them?

I ask these questions hoping to set the foundation for realizing that just because someone appears to be doing badly, it does not mean they are...in fact, in many cases, it is quite the opposite. But how would you ever know if you never take the time to say, " Hey, I have noticed things have changed a little and just wanted to check in to see if  you are okay, or if there is anything I could do." This sounds a lot more productive and helpful then "Dude, what the hell is your problem lately?"

Lend a hand to someone, don't use it to slap them. If you are out of hands, you still have ears, so just let them be heard. It is amazing what you can learn, and we could ALL use more learning. Struggles don't make us any less human, but overcoming the struggles makes us stronger ones....and helping other's through theirs makes us real ones.

Be real.

Peace and Joy,
Beth

Springtime Bonversations

This past weekend was one for the books. Not because it was wild and crazy, or because something terribly dramatic or overly exciting happened....but because the essence of humanity was radiating.

I don't know what it is about Spring, but it brings out the joy in life. Sure, flowers and plants and trees will bloom and paint our city with bright colors and fragrant blossoms, but it does much more than that to me. So much more blooms. It's something about opening/rolling down windows, sun-kissed skin, a brighter sunrise, memorizing sunsets, the smell of cut grass, the feeling of my bare feet on the ground and my sense of contentment that really gets me. The anticipation of the sandy season where waves are the soundtrack of life...just amazing. It is the season we get to spend hours at the ball field, sitting on the porch taking in the magnificent canvas which we call the sky, and enjoying the simiple things in life.

This weekend we got to share some of our Springtime traditions with someone. From planting flowers, to sitting on the front porch doing nothing, to having fantastic "bonversations" (conversations around a bonfire), to grilling out and watching movies, to riding around in a car singing loudly. It was this weekend that I realized there is something about standing around a fire in good spirits talking about life, love, fellowship, experiences and sharing stories that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It promotes wonderfully intellectually stimulating and thought provoking conversations and enriches your soul, leaving you feeling like not a moment was wasted and all that is left is an open mind, fulfilled heart and lasting impressions and memories.

As I got to experience someone else experiencing what we find joyful, it hit me. Though very few people would choose not to feel joy, some may just not have the opportunities like other people have. There are people all around us that are thirsty for genuine joy, and the things we find simple may be overwhelming for others. To feel surrounded by love, generosity and acceptance is something many of us take for granted. Others don't have this...so while Spring is an open invitation for me to feel and radiate delight and optimism, it also gives me an opportunity to share it, spread it and encourage it.

Without going into detail about this house guest we had, I want to explain that this individual doesn't often get to experience the true nature of how good life can actually be, but for the love of all things worth anything, if I have anything to do with it, they will become comfortable with the corners of their mouth pointing up, with genuine acceptance of who they are, with what it means to really "live life and live it well" and become comfortable with feelings of happiness and joy. This person, along with two or three others, has taught me more about how to appreciate life in ALL that it has to offer, even the bad, than anyone else. To put it into perspective, MJ got this person a jar of honey peanut butter while she was at the store....this person lit up with appreciation and excitement, and at the same time had an overwhelming sense of acceptance. How many of you can say that you can appreciate small things like that? Well, I think it is about time you start learning because it is a beautiful thing to witness and feel.

MJ and I spoke in detail how nice it was to have this person over. Nice for so many reasons. But the fact that she accepted the opportunity with open arms and nurtured the situation made me so very very thankful that she is in my life. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful each and every day for her, but it is times and situations like this that make me press pause on life and just remember who she is down to her core...and I take that paused time to feel blessed beyond measure for getting to know a soul as beautiful as hers. Neither one of us walked on eggshells around our guest or treated them as if they were so fragile that we were afraid to break them. Nope, instead we were real...very very real and for many of you that know us, you know this person got a spoonful of smart ass comments, a belly full of food an earful of loud singing and fun-loving hospitality. I am pretty sure this was appreciated by our guest....and somewhat overwhelming (in a good way).

Long story short, I feel like our Spring has gotten off to a very rewarding and inspiring start. The people I have in my life are amazing, and life as I know it is bliss. I want to make this feeling contagious. Everyone should experience joy...go find yours!

Thank you for letting me share.

Peace and Joy,
Beth

Teacher Mentality

I may not be in a traditional classroom setting at a traditional educational institution, but I AM a teacher.

Lately, I have grown a whollllle new appreciation for teachers. I now find myself getting frustrated when I ask a thought provoking question just to get a smart ass response. I become frustrated at the ones who show out and not take it seriously, potentially hindering the learning process for the ones who are taking it seriously. I find myself asking myself, "Why can't they just grow the hell up?". And then it hit me...

Maybe people don't necessarily need to "grow up", rather they need to grow out. Out of their habits, out of their toxic mindset, and out of their cycle of self sabotage and deprivation. Maybe they need to grow out of their shell, out of hiding, out of their own way. It may not be an interest in positively engaging in their life that is lacking, rather, it may be a lack of education or confidence on how to do so. So maybe, just maybe, they need to be helped OUT, not helped UP.

Different group dynamics require different approaches. Sometimes,  I need to facilitate thinking, not facilitate a class. I need to listen to questions rather than just trying to answer them. I need
 remember that success is not a guarantee, rather it is an option.

I need to realize that even if I only reach 3 of 30 people in my classes, it doesn't mean I've only made a difference in 3 lives. I recently realized that those 3 people will be utilizing the skills and reaching other people in their lives with what they learn in my class. So while I may have only directly had a positive impact on the 3 lives, the potential of indirect impact is....well, endless.

This is why it is so important to appreciate the small things. What people don't realize is that we are all teachers. We all learn from each other. We are all making a difference and having an impact, so it is very important to make it a good one. Be mindful of your attitude, your actions, your outlook, and your communication....you never know who is learning from you.

If we want to continue teaching, we have to continue learning.

Peace and Joy,
Beth

Life Update

Well, a lot has unfolded in the past few weeks. 

First, I started running on a regular basis again. Why is this a big deal? Because I am a runner, and that is what we do....we run. It feels good to say that again. I forgot how uplifting it is to take out any negative emotion on the pavement. It is with every drop of sweat that my body is letting go of something it wants to reject. I just kind of let it all go.... I think about what I want to "run off" and I just let my mind take me to a place of peace. Clarity peruses.

Secondly, I have been in contact with people that really want to work toward a mission to revolutionize recovery. I talk about alignment a lot, and it seems to be falling into place. Meeting people with the same ideas, passions and ambitions is really a beautiful thing. Making this dream a reality is somewhat anxiety provoking because I don't want to fail, but to be a part of something that could potentially be life changing for so many people in our community is blissfully and organically intoxicating in itself.  I am so so very excited to see what comes of this.... I have no words. Oh, and the support I have behind me to go forward is amazing. To be believed in, to be trusted...it is an extraordinary feeling, to say the least.

Thirdly, I feel like I am making progress in my classes at Serenity. I feel like I am reaching more people. That is until last night's class. Before I knew it, half of them had gotten up and left. The topic was emotional intelligence and morals. It turned into a class of trying to understand the differences in thinking and feeling between men and women. I told myself not to be bothered about those who left, because lets face it...many of them are not ready to read into their emotions. Hell, sometimes I have problems doing it myself. It can be overwhelming, especially coming off of substances used to suppress them for so long. I did not take them leaving personally. I have learned  a lot about inventory, and maybe them leaving had to do with issues pertaining to their inventory, and i cannot take responsibility for that. All I can do is continue to teach the ones who are in a place where they are accepting of the information. To my surprise, the ones I thought would leave, stayed. Then there were the ones who stayed that didn't surprise me at all. I know which ones are thirsty for knowledge....they make me proud to be a part of their journey. 

Fourthly, the book. The AA book I have been reading....can I just say, this can apply to EVERYONE. What I have learned about inventory....my gosh the clarity and organization of issues! I suggest everyone delve into this step. At first, I believed it to be self sabotaging, but the more I read, the more I understood it is quite the opposite. It is about prioritizing, organizing and understanding YOUR issues and how they pertain to YOU, and what areas of life they impact. What you resent, what character flaws are present, what fears you have..etc. Then you take it a step further and self-explore to see what it is about these admissions that make you feel they are a part of your inventory. THEN you go even further and understand how and in what areas they have affected your life. Self-esteem, intimacy, relationships, pride, security...etc.. It is as if your mind is a map, and this technique is the GPS system to navigate and make sense of it all. 

Lastly, communication. I just got one of the best pieces of advice about communication. I was asked by someone whom I have a hell of a lot of respect for to refrain from using the phrase "for some reason". At first, I was so confused. Then I realized how often I used that phrase. It was explained to me that when I use that phrase I am basically telling myself and telling those I am communicating with that I am not aware of why I feel a certain way, or why things happen, when in reality I know exactly why. It is almost a mask to hide behind....it is saying, "you're important enough to know that there is a problem that I need to vent about, but not important enough for me to really tell you what is going on." Own the fact that you know why you feel you do, or why you do what you do. Own it because if you don't you will keep writing it off as unimportant and it will never really get resolved when it surfaces later and you wonder why. Also, if you say "for some reason" it leaves those who you are communicating to with the notion that they need to help you figure out why, when in reality, that effort is not needed, nor is it their responsibility to just know exactly what you mean. Funny how little phrases that we use every day can hinder communication with those who are really in tune to the technicalities behind the different parts of communication. Makes you think. Makes you wonder how many times conversations and messages have been misconstrued because of unclear messages.

That's all I have for now. 

Peace and Joy,
Beth 

Questions and Naked Truths

What if we stripped our minds of fear and judgement? What if we exposed our brains to vulnerability? What if we took off the cloak that our thoughts hide behind? What type of person would you be if you exposed your truths?

The naked brain....what a though, right? As much information we take in, we also expell just as much. The observational question here is, do they match? We, as a people, tend to leave parts of ourselves a mystery. We opt to diclose different things about our lives to different people. Why do we censor ourselves to some and not others? Is it fear? Is it a protective factor? Is it our subconscious?

And is it in our best interest to process everything we take in? Does it result in a truer response, or does it allow us to edit the perceptions to better fit our lives? Do we make information relate to us? For instance, I find a way to make every song I hear apply to my life somehow. Now if I really had all the things in the songs I hear going on in my life, I would live in constant chaos....but I find myself enjoying the song so much more when I can find meaning in it.

Do we live up to our expectations, or do we try to live up to the expectations others have of us? And would we admit that?

Questions...we answer them every day. But have you ever stopped to think about what they do for us? No matter what the question, it makes us evaluate ourselves in order to come up with an answer. Favorite color, choice in music, which health insurance plan to go with. It's a wonder how some of us swear we don't know ourselves.

We hear "I dunno" all the time too. Do we really not know, or are we deflecting? Or are we too lazy to answer? Or is the question not challenging enough or intellectually stimulating enough?

Who knows....

It's A Process

Oh where to begin with this one...

As many of you may know, I am teaching economic stability, parenting and relationship skills classes to a group of men in an addiction treatment facility, but what you may no know is that I probably learn just as much from them as they do from me. It is quite an amazing journey.

They are so motivated, so open and so participatory. It really is more than I could ask for out of a group of people who are coming together to learn useful skills. I have been teaching there for months now, however, I feel like there is still a disconnect with several of the men there. I have had to dig deeeep inside myself and realize that while learning is a process for them, it is a process for me as well. So, I have collaborated with some of the guys there for feedback. What can I do to get through to everyone, I ask. Then it dawned on me....I may not get through to them all. It may just be a few. It may just be one.

And that is fine.

I see endless potential in a few of those guys, and I am dedicated to their success. I have developed a whole new passion for this area of work. There is a new spark, a new motivation. Do I feel like this is exactly where I am supposed to be right now? Absolutely. They make me want to revolutionize recovery. They inspire me. I am inspired by people all around me every day, but it has been a lonnng time since I have been inspired at work. It feels good.

But it isn't easy. It is hard. Very hard. I have not been in their shoes, I have not had their experiences. I have a different capacity for learning than they do. Not bigger or better....just different. I can empathize, but I cannot sympathize. It's frustrating because I don't want them to think I am above them, or I am just some female with an agenda as I stand behind the podium and teach from my manual. Discussions have gone awry, and have gotten heated, but we recovered with lessons learned.

So how do I teach a group of people about responsibility for their children, relationships, and finances when they are still working on their responsibilities for self? I don't have an answer. I have watched movies, documentaries, done research and still don't have an evolved enough idea of what to do. So I did something I have never done before.... I went straight to the source. I asked for help...from one of the participants. Through much discussion and much research, I am learning how to better communicate and get through to these men. I am learning their language, their learning styles, and where they are in their process.

So next week will be different. There will be no podium separating me from the class. I will be facilitating class with them rather than for them. I will do exercises that make us all appreciative to have to opportunity to be a part of something that is bigger than we are. Everyone in the room has a voice, and they will all be able to use them; they will all be heard. We will all matter. Once we break the barriers keeping the group from cohesive learning, we can all contribute to the lessons learned without fear of judgement and criticism.

Through this, I have found it motivates everyone. It is refreshing to get the perspective from who I am trying to educate, and I am sure it is refreshing to them to see me trying. I push them because I know they can do it, but some of them push right back. It is unfamiliar territory for me, but I love it! I have learned so much! They have people rooting for them, but I want to put my words into action. I want to let them know I am here and that I mean that. It's a process, but I am happy to report a few of the gentleman in there are seeking help through me, and I couldn't be more proud of them for their efforts. And the appreciation I have for the gentleman helping me better relate to these men is beyond words. I am blessed.

My point in all this is we are human. None of us know everything, but it should never mean that we should stop learning. It is okay to ask questions, that should never be a fear. The most unexpected things can teach us the most valuable lessons, so embrace all experiences. We are all right where we should be right now, so we should learn to fill in those pages with good influence, hard work and thanks so that the next chapter is rich with rewards and new opportunities to make a difference in our own lives as well as in the lives of others. We all serve a purpose, so make the most of it because you may only get one shot to make a difference in a person's life. You may be the only one making that difference.

Peace and Joy,
Beth

With This Year, I Thee Shed

A New Year resolution should be just that. It should resolve something, and in order to resolve something, one must first identify a problem. What worries me is that many people jump to the usual: lose weight, eat healthier, exercise more..etc. I'm guilty of this perpetual reasoning, by the way. However, I cannot help but to think if this is the biggest problem we see for ourselves, then how superficial are we as an ever evolving species?

I think we should start looking at what we can gain before what we can lose. That's right, I said the nasty G word...gain. you read that correctly, but hear me out....

Try to gain hope, faith, perspective, and awareness. Gain more accomplishments, motivation, autonomy, respect, generosity, kindness, and appreciation. Allow yourself to gain confidence, empathy, acceptance, imagination, experience, and courage. Gain more of an understanding for loyalty, forgiveness,  patience, and trust. Gain new traditions and hobbies. Gain more knowledge, compassion, and fulfillment.
More importantly, gain a giving nature, a thoughtful mind, a graceful soul, an unconditionally loving heart. 

Gain an altruistic mindset and benevolent spirit. Gain sight of beauty in all things and people, sight of silver linings, and sight into cultural differences.
Gain insight on political candidates that you have the freedom to vote for. Gain the ability to learn from differences in opinions rather than detest them. Gain a job that makes waking up something to look forward to and a partner that makes you feel that they were born for the sole purpose to coexist with you in everlasting harmony.

While those are just a few among the many of things you can work on gaining, gaining something this year doesn't sound half bad anymore now does it? However, I know some of you will be more inclined to maintain a focus on losing, so if you want to lose something, consider this:

Lose: negativity, regret, doubt, and selfishness. Lose constant complaints, bad attitudes, hate, blame, and excuses. Lose using manipulation, deceit, and judgement. Lose the concepts of  fear and what ifs. Lose self sabotaging behaviors, toxic people in your life, and narcissistic attitudes. Lose the unrealistic expectations, grudges, stress, and bad habits you have been holding on to.
Lose clothes you haven't worn in 3 years. your cell phone at dinner, and the procrastinating concept that you "will get to it later". Try losing yourself in meaningful conversations, in a good book, or in captivating lyrics of meaningful music. Lose the excessive make up, you're already beautiful.
Lose the word normal, because really, what does it mean, and who does it really apply to?
Lose the concept of "cutting to the chase", because the art of communication and story telling is already struggling to survive, and what a beautiful art it is.

You see, I personally would much rather have the weight of a few extra pounds evenly distributed all over my body than the weight of the world on my shoulders. Free yourself of the burden of living a less than mediocre life. Bask in the satisfaction of leading an incredible life by indulging yourself in endless helpings of constructive thoughts and optimism!

We are all broken in some form, but it doesn't make us damaged goods. We all have the ability to do better, be better, and feel better. If you can do good, and be good, and feel good, but you aren't quite there....ask yourself "what's stopping me?" And THAT....THAT my friends is what you need to lose. The weight of those restraints far outweigh the few extra pounds that make you feel unhappy. I would much rather have the body weight that at least keeps me warm than the mental weight that has the potential to make me cold.

So with this year, I thee shed....
I'm not saying I am going to be a brand new me, because honestly I'm not that unhappy with who I am. I am merely saying that I recognize my ability and my potential and I am simply going to just try a little harder to contribute to the good things life has to offer.

Much peace and joy,
Beth