The Red, White and American Blues

Orlando...what a pivotal eye opener for so many reasons. And I'm sure if we collected all the hashtags related to this tragedy, it would be just as effed up as the situation itself. You don't have to live in Orlando to feel the ramifications of what happened. Orlando is OURlando. So no matter what political high point resonated with you most out of this situation, bottom line is, it's a problem. Whether it be the LGBT issues, gun control, terrorism, public safety, mental health, or religion....it doesn't matter.
When people who consider themselves American begin to even slightly empathize with terrorists based on the group they target, that's a problem. When people know everything about the Kardashians but don't know the words to the National al Anthem, that's a problem. When people without jobs are living more comfortably that middle class workers, that's a problem. When hypocrisy is embedded into the norm, that's a problem. When the media is so manipulative that no one knows what's legit and what's not, that is a problem.
In order for us to "make America great again", we have to know what it means to actually be Americans. What sacrifice really means. What progress really looks like. We have to understand that standing united doesn't mean everyone has the same views and positions in life. What FREEDOM and BRAVERY really are. Home of the free does not mean you are entitled to have things handed to you merely because you're an American. The only thing you are entitled to is opportunity...and you have to take those yourself. You are not afforded the freedom to play God, no matter how richeous you feel you are. And for the love of all things good, Freedom isn't synonymous with inconsequential.

American pride doesn't mean you take for granted your liberties. Pride means you understand, honor and appreciate how and why we have those liberties in the first place, and you stand up for and defend them. You are mindful of those fighting for our freedoms. You honor and protect the American flag. Being a decent human being is a small task compared to the sacrifices being made to defend the right to do believe and think and speak the way we want.
It doesn't mean conforming to things we don't understand or agree with. It means, that despite our differences, our neighbors are our brothers and sisters of red white and blue. We have become so desensitized to the name of our country...so very little do we use her whole name....we call her by her last name, "America", as if we even really know her anymore. I think words are important for depth and meaning. We don't live in America...we live in the United States of America. We need to get back to knowing what that really means.
It's not making light of horrific curcumstances, it's being the light in those circumstances. We don't praise terrorists for "taking out the gays". We don't perpetuate racial discrimination by poisoning the image of the police by over generalizing their objectives. We don't say that because it's a gay bar it has nothing to do with those who are not gay. We don't say that because so and so doesn't go to church as frequently as others they aren't Christians, or that they are going to hell. We dont say "all lives matter" and then continue to degrade one another. NONE of that is for us to say.
What we say is please and thank you. We say united we stand. We say God bless America. We say love prevails. We say love thy neighbor. We say justice for all. And when we are crossed, we protect ourselves and our own. When our country has been terrorized, we come together. We have ALL been offended, and we all stand up for liberty. We don't turn a blind eye to tragedy and minimize destruction because it only targets a certain "controversial" demographic. What we should turn a blind eye to is WHY someone/a group would cause such devistation....because what does it really effing matter? The "why" doesn't change the end result.
Our country is just that...OURS. We sit here and judge and hate and discriminate, and blame, and shame others so much that being offended has become offensive. Divided we fall....and we have fallen in so many ways. But after a fall, we must get back up. It shouldn't be "make America great again"...it should be "make America United again".

That Leadership Has Sailed...

Somehow, we as a people have taken leadership and internalized it. It's so singular. It has become about numbers and rankings and socioeconomic class. It's about endorsements and personal recognition. Personal records and stats.
When did we start playing for the name on the back of our jerseys instead of the front? When did the PART we play not include a WHOLE? When did we start finding value in competing against our own teammates, rather than with them? And when did we start using excuses over truth or reasoning? When did we stop taking responsibility or accountability?
Growing up, I learned that leadership was taking initiative as a part of something for the betterment of the whole. I learned that leadership is selfless, it's guidance, it's setting an example. It's taking criticism and turning it into strength and bravery. It's observing. It's taking your own mistakes and asking how to change them. It's observing others mistakes and learning from them. It's about not letting our own pride stand in the way of being there for the rest of the team.
It's about casting out your characteristics, and putting yourself out there without the fear of failure. It's about letting go of excuses and holding on to faith and perseverance. It's about being resilient. It's about taking a bad day and making the next one better with no exception. I never felt a sense of entitlement. We were aware of our own talents and flaws, but we learned the talents and flaws of our teammates as well, because only then could we reach our full potential. Ego was not boisterous, and we were encouraging rather than discouraging.

Leadership taught me about being appreciative, not how to demand it. It taught me how to excel in life. It taught me that my individual strength has value for not only me, but as an asset to my network or team. You don't outgrow leadership...it manifests itself into all aspects of your life. If you choose to internalize leadership, then you might ultimately be choosing to short yourself of the skills it takes to be successful in a world made ip of all sorts of teams, traditions and networks.

No matter what kind of team you are a part of, whether it is sports, work, family, group, band...etc, you are a part of something bigger than yourself! You are representing your family, school, company, community, or organization. You represent the pride and traditions of something others built for you before your time, so who are you to tarnish that with your unappreciative attitude? You cannot stand tall if you cannot learn to rise with your team.
As for me, I'd build my team/network from heart, drive, motivation, discipline, adaptability, and selflessness over strictly talent ANY day! If I had a team who possessed all the talent in the world and felt entitled to their earnings, it would be hard to convince them I could teach them anything more. Those who have heart...they are the ones that crave personal growth. Plant your seeds wisely.

Happily Ever Afterwords...

Growing up, we learn what kind of person we should look for. We learn about attraction, playing hard to get, how to ask someone out, how to tell if someone likes us...etc. Fairytales taught us (sometimes in a very dark way) how to persevere until we get our happy ending. In retrospect, I realize nothing ever taught us about what happens next. "Happily ever after" really means "I don't feel like writing about the complexities of relationships and there's no point because half of them fail anyway". Where the hell do we learn about how to thrive once we get everything we want? How do we know what to do in unfamiliar territory? The more I thought about how much we didn't learn about relationships growing up, the more I realized it's all about the concept of understanding. Especially when it comes to needs and wants.
Sometimes you need that blunt friend. Sometimes you need the support of a sibling because they understand where you came from. Maybe you need the affirmations from a priest or pastor, or other faith-based leader. Maybe you need a forum of people online telling you how to handle something. Maybe you need a stranger's perspective. Either way, no matter what, we as humans have a lot of needs. And for some unfathomable reason, we develop this unrealistic expectation that we are to look for "the one" who can provide ALL of these things and meet ALL of our needs. One.single.person. It's no wonder you always hear "I'm never going to find Mrs/Mr Right!"
That's what's wrong with relationships. They are so full of pressure, expectations, and desires that turn into demands. We cannot expect one single person to provide us with everything we will ever need. We need our friends, we need our family, we need strangers, and music, and running, and groups, and books. We need our escapes. We need OURSELVES. Our lives are so dynamic, so how can we expect one person to understand every part of it?
So where does a partner fit in then? A "perfect" partner is the one who knows they aren't perfect, nor will they ever be. They understand the difference between being a perfect person and being the perfect person for you. They understand that they will not understand everything about you. They are aware that your needs will sometimes go beyond what they can provide. But most importantly, they will be okay with all of this. And furthermore, it won't stop them from still trying...every day...trying. They will sometimes fail miserably, but they won't see it as failure, and honestly, neither  will you.
You see, the "perfect" partner will aways know that not everything involves them, but they let you know they will be your everything when all else fails. They ultimately know they cannot give you everything, or be everything, or understand everything you need, but they are beyond elated to die trying.
Relationships require nurture and balance. Communication and self control. Compromise and sacrifice. Apologies and intimacy. Trust and understanding. Time alone and time together. But the sacrifice and compromise and balance isn't about give and take. It's about measuring your self worth and deciding that the other person is worth the same. Supporting the relationship like you support yourself. Knowing that your being should be celebrated, not just tolorated.
Be your partners rock. The rock they can climb when they need a new perspective, the rock they can throw when they are frustrated, the rock they can lean on when they need something sturdy,  the rock they can kick when they need you to understand their pain. The rock they can hide under when everything needs to fade away. And lastly, be the rock that is strong enough to realize you are not the solver of all his/her problems. Strong enough to know not to internalize them reaching out to others as a feeling of inadequacy. Strong enough to see that his/her happiness and peace doesn't depend on you making everything better...rather, it depends on knowing you would do just about anything to get there.
A good relationship involves two people who are okay with not agreeing on everything and not having everything in common. They take those dissimilarities and, instead of holding against one another, they grow into different perspectives without straying from their own since of individuality. In arguments, they know it's not always about who is right and who is wrong....or that it may not even be about right and wrong. Sometimes it's about challenging each other to see things, think about things, and respect things in a way that let's you as a person grow. Arguments don't HAVE to end in an agreement...they are an opportunity to just need to feel heard to see that there's more than one way to look at something, even if you still disagree. For instance, you don't have to agree with me that donating time or money to a charity at least once a month is something we should do, but thank you so much for listening long enough to understand why I believe it is, and thank you for helping me understand that sometimes it may not be feasible.That, in and of itself,  is all we should want...the willingness and the effort to understand. and when understanding it is hard, or seems impossible, it doesn't mean a deviation from compatibility, it simply validates the reason why we have friends, and family, and lyrics, and books, and strangers. You see, coming to an understanding isn't the need that needs to be met....the effort to want to understand is. And until people can accept the realistic expectations of relationships, they will not be ready to put in the actual work it takes to manage them. If things get tough, you BOTH work, together and separately, to fulfill needs not being met. Take responsibility in your part, but be sure not to take responsibility for your significant other's part. If it means making sacrifices, make sure those sacrifices do not interfere with your self worth and values, otherwise your relationship with result in resentment and disdain. It will inevitably fail.
If you cannot accept that relationships DO take work, and that it's not always going to be like the honeymoon phase, and there will be struggles, and that you never stop learning, then how can you expect to learn to appreciate the value of what you put into and get out of the relationship at all? For better or for worse doesn't mean you get to pick one....it means for better AND for worse.  How can you respect how sturdy the foundation of which your relationship was built on if you never try to get through a storm together? It's like building a beautiful house with everything you ever wanted and then not living in it because you don't want to have to deal with the upkeep, or you're scared to mess it up.
Get INTO a relationship to get something of value OUT of it...if it happens to be a lifetime together, then build a strong house and remember to clean it and take out the trash.

The Truth About Unemployment

What they don't tell you about unemployment:

1) After a while, you begin to feel inadequate. Yes, inadequate. You begin to feel like you don't fit ANYWHERE. You fill out applications, but no response...even after follow ups. You begin to struggle with accepting you may have to take a job that you know you won't necessarily enjoy at all. Financial responsibilities must be met, and you honestly run out of time trying to find the job you really want. This brings you to the feeling of maybe you AREN'T as good at what you do as you think you are. It begins to feel like "nobody wants you". You begin to feel like your experience in the work field means nothing because you're having to settle for a job, say, in retail just to make ends meet. Not saying retail is a bad thing...it's just not my thing. 

2) Education DOES matter. I'm very much qualified to do what I feel is my calling, however, employers don't feel the same because I don't have the credentials to "prove" it. It's so unfortunate. I have the drive, I have the will, I have the creativity...and for the love of all things good, I have the experience! I'm over qualified for entry level, but under qualified for what I feel is my calling. I cannot simply go back to school, because student loans are not an available option for me. If employers could just look past the part of my resume that lists my education, and actually read my experience, maybe...just maybe I would be called in for an interview. That's my only chance to defend my position of why I feel I'm qualified for said position. 

3) Applications are not the same. Want to follow up on your resume and application? Be prepared to hear "You can check the status of your application online where you applied". So, the respected art of following up to show initiative and motivation no longer exists with many companies. How are we supposed to leave a good impression, or an impressionable footprint with admin? Why is it that the application form has become the sole representation of us as a person and professional? 

Knowing I likely won't get the chance to explain why I am qualified, I want more than 150-350 characters to fill out the "additional information" section. Resumes are supposed to be simple....I get that. But this is the only foot we get in the door now, so less is not more!

4) Emotional bipolar episodes. Yep. The struggle is real. In the middle if the day, out of nowhere, you realize you're jobless. You're broke. You don't know how you're going to keep going like this. You feel angry, sad, disappointed, inadequate (on many levels), worthless, and eventually, you feel like a failure. Stress wears you out, anxiety wears you down, and your strength dissipates. 

Unemployment is not a vacation. It's a painful struggle that I'd wish upon no one who cannot afford it. I know my path is being paved, I'm just growing tired of the detours. I know trust and hope and faith are essential, but sometimes I'm human and I have a hard time finding them. 

And when part of your support system encourages you to apply to places you'd be miserable just because they offer a good benefits package, it makes the sting a little less tolorable. Feeling like some people were actually excited that I was no longer in the human services world because it wasn't "good enough" also adds to the feelings of disappointment. Why can they not see it means something to me, deep down inside, to do the work that I do? Why have they NEVER asked why I do what I do, or what exactly it is that I do? How can they not care what differences I've made for others? How can they just make assumptions about what I do? 

All questions I don't really want answers to. All I really want is a chance; An employer to believe in me like I believe in me. 

Unemployment: it's for the birds. 

An Open Letter

Dear Bosses:

I am going to just jump right in and get to the soul of why I am writing you all.

I challenge you ALL to really get to know your employees. Genuinely be interested in them. Teach them, guide them, help them and nurture them into better employees, better people, and better professionals. Listen to their suggestions, trust their judgement and ideas, encourage their development and implementation of strategy, and most of all, appreciate their efforts. Show them they are valued, recognize their hard work, and let others know you have the best staff working for you.

Create a work environment that people will WANT to come to every day. Create an atmosphere that encourages a pleasant demeanor when your employees get home to their families after work. Be lenient, because if they are getting their work done, meeting deadlines, and driving results, then what is the harm if they work from home one day, or take a 2 hour lunch, or want to get some air? And for the love of all things good, let them laugh! Let them socialize! Let them ENJOY their time under your watch. Trust me, when you feel like you aren't allowed to laugh, or talk, or even appear as if you are having fun, it makes for a very long and exhausting work day.

Treat your employees with the same respect you would want. You are the leader. You are the role model. You are setting the example. Just remember that when they start mirroring nasty facial expressions, bad attitudes, and a cold demeanor. Take them to lunch, throw a random surprise party for no reason. Have a "bring your family for lunch" day. Pull pranks, tell jokes, leave small gag gifts on random people's desk. Encourage workplace morale. Hell, a simple handwritten card saying "thank you for being you" means more than you'll ever realize.

Be stern, but understanding. Be frank, but kind. Have boundaries, but let everyone know your door is always open. Touch base with your employees on a personal level. When you ask them how they are doing, mean it! When you ask if there is anything you can do for them, follow through! If their is a family emergency, it is not an inconvenience. It is not the time to make your employee feel bad about having to leave. Demand them to go because family comes first. Step up and fill in as needed. Call after hours to see if everything is okay with that employee's family. BE A HUMAN.

Challenge them to be better. Take them seriously. BELIEVE IN THEM! You are a team. No one is benched. Every player has a part, and every part is important enough to be valued.

Face confrontation in the workplace with poise, never avoid it. If there is tension in the workplace, don't just hope it blows over. Face it, fix it, then follow up to make sure your employees feel it has been fixed as well. Don't wait until the last minute to deliver bad news. Reassure your team that you are there for them. Watch you body language, for it speaks the loudest. Know your limits and practice tolerance.

Bottom line: make them want to stick around. Make them want to go above and beyond. Make them feel the sky is the limit. Make sure they are proud of their accomplishments, it will motivate them to maximize productivity. TAKE CARE OF THEM. After all, without your employees, you would fail. They keep you afloat, so busting their balloons will bring you down, too.

You were once there. It is your job to show them that it just keeps getting better.

Sincerely,
Beth

Marriage

One of the most influential classes I ever took in my college career was Argumentation. Not because I like to argue, but because I learned how to effectively debate a topic with an open enough mind to learn something new and gain perspective, while at the same time holding true to what I believe. If I took anything away from that class, it was this: In order to maximize the chance to influence those listening to you, you mustn’t start by proving a point…you start by simply making one. Your goal shouldn’t be to shut someone down, rather, it should be to open someone up to a different perspective long enough to develop a mutual rapport and respect for one another. Starting off this way makes it easier to reciprocate, thus hopefully resulting in a productive debate. Otherwise, we go off on tangents just trying to prove the other person wrong instead of agreeing on all the ideas we believe are right…from both sides. We don’t have to agree with everything, but if we agree on nothing, what was the debate worth? Pitting two sides further against each other? Promoting more justification to feel more right than the other?

Movements for policy change, educational standards, healthcare transparency, and so on require an understanding from the public about what and how results will change the systems for the better as well as the worse. What is in the best interest of our people? Will this benefit the targeted audience, or will it benefit corporations? Is there a way to benefit both?

I say all of this because I am truly baffled by the marriage equality issue still making headlines. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand it is part of how progress works, but I cannot help but take a HUGE step back and look at the big picture (one I think so many miss).  People are so caught up in the goal of what they are pushing for, that I believe they forget about the objectives to accomplish before they can get there. I want to further explore a few ideas, and hopefully make a few points about this topic. My goal here is not to prove anything right or wrong; I simply want to open some minds to the concepts that are either being pushed aside or ignored altogether.

      The “Gay Agenda”
An agenda is nothing but a plan for something to be done. Now, call me crazy, but wouldn’t any respectable person, group, or organization develop an agenda in order to adequately move toward their desired goal? It’s nearly required for anything from planning a vacation to running for president. So why all of a sudden is the LGBT community being called out for having or pushing an agenda? And to even expand on that further, aren’t those advocating and lobbying against marriage equality also pushing their own agenda? And just for fun, extrapolating this even further, why does pushing an agenda have to be viewed in a negative light? I mean, isn’t that how women’s rights were established? How about those who pushed to dissolve segregation? Oh, and let us not forget those who advocated for domestic violence to actually be punishable by law. And last but certainly not least, how about those who pushed, and made possible, the repeal of prohibition, which allows you to do things like go to Vegas, get hammered and then marry a stranger and really make a mockery out of “marriage”, but that’s neither here nor there, I guess.

I understand that some groups and organizations have agendas which promote unhealthy, harmful and detrimental objectives, but such outliers cannot be used to generalize the concept of what an agenda can actually do for others.

      “Protecting the Institution of Marriage”
Where do I begin on this one? I will start by asking, what exactly is it that they are protecting? I mean, really. For close to the majority of those who partake in the festivities as they enter into the “institution” of marriage, it ends in divorce (statistically speaking, this is fact). With as rampant as divorce is these days, I could throw out a fallacy and say by protecting marriage you are indirectly also protecting divorce, but I will leave that alone.

 In the debate, those advocating against marriage equality use the words “institution” and “sanctity” interchangeably. While to most, this would appear to be just fine, however, let us really take a look at how different those words really are when it comes to using them in this debate. Assigning the word institution to marriage, it simply means an established custom. Now, throw in the word sanctity, and you have developed the spiritual nature of the concept of marriage. So which are they protecting?

On one hand, we have an institution that, for many, is broken, where marriage is a money making business, the wedding is a bigger idea than the actual vows, and if at first you don’t succeed, marry 5 more times….or until you “find the one for you”. On the other hand, we have the sanctity of marriage. Is this really relevant in most marriages anymore? Is the “holy” still in “holy matrimony? And if it is, then why aren’t groups putting their time and resources into improving what they are so diligently protecting, because last time I checked, according to those defending the “traditional” definition of marriage for moral/spiritual reasons, divorce should be viewed as unacceptable, not a convenience.

3     Hypocrisy
Christians judging other Christians for judging other people. The irony in this is truly poetic.

Backwards Thinking
What if we as a people looked at this topic (or any topic of debate for that matter) like this:
Work FOR something rather than AGAINST. Not to work against a definition, but to work for it. This does not mean conform to and agree with something that violates your beliefs. It simply means, if you truly believe in your definition of marriage, work for THAT definition to matter to YOU and YOUR traditions. Working so hard against something that doesn’t directly affect you and your family is a waste of time, energy and resources. Instead, work toward creating and repairing a system that has taken the purity/holiness out of the concept of marriage. Work toward advocating for more education in the school setting, churches, and beyond on what marriage is, what it means in your congregation’s context, how to maintain healthy relationships, how to avoid dangerous/toxic relationships, how to get through the hard, and how to minimize divorce rates by focusing on the value of the exchanged vows “for better or for worse”.

Whether LGBT or straight, work toward something you can be wholly proud of. A goal that promotes and perpetuates tolerance without resorting to behaviors that wreak of a sense of entitlement and/or righteousness. Work toward understanding what you think you are saying when you say “for liberty and justice for all”. Whatever you identify as, do your part by leading by example and hope your influence is enough to enlighten and open minds to the idea that we can share love for one another despite how they may love. If your spirituality hinders you from the ability to accept some forms of love, then your only responsibility would be to keep leading by your definition of a good example and pray others will follow. If you are finding resentment in your heart toward those who cannot understand why people aren’t accepting of your lifestyle, your only responsibility is to encourage tolerance by avoiding hypocrisy and continue to embrace the differences in our community. Bottom line, no matter the side you choose to stand with, it becomes irrelevant when you realize everyone is fighting for the same thing: love.

Today's Forecast: Progress

I would like to make a suggestion. I would like anyone reading this to sit back and really think about progress you have made in your life. Think about where you were when you started, and think about the end result (whether you have gotten it or are still working on it). Easy, right?

So, now, look at what it took to get there. What it took for you to be able to say progress has been made. Look at how much effort was/is being put into it, how much time, pain, blood, sweat, tears, long days, and days where you felt like giving up. Only the people going through it seem to remember what those parts felt like.

My point is: progress isn't all that pretty. Just because someone appears to be regressing, or appears to be "moody" all the time, it doesn't mean they aren't making great strides to get to where they want to be in their life. It means they are in the midst of their storm and they are working through it. They aren't just waiting for the storm to pass them by...they are hunkered down, protecting themselves from flying debris, which we call triggers, and they are doing everything in their power to make sure the foundation of their shelter (their sense of being) stays in tact. That is not an easy feat! That is a lot of work!

It is not our job to understand their "weather patterns", but for the sake of humanity, we should feel responsible for supporting the journey, respecting the efforts, and not to take their behaviors personally. A simple smile, a random fist bump or high-five, a little note of encouragement goes a very long way. We often underestimate the simplicity of good we can do for others. Life is sometimes a struggle...and the struggle is real. No one should have to go through the struggles alone. No one should feel judged for slip ups, mistakes, or bad days....we all have them.

Progress isn't just moving forward. It is learning to move out of your own way to even see what forward looks like. For some, it is learning how to even walk again. We work on gaining balance, taking steps, and eventually running to your envisioned destination, so how can we expect not to trip, slip, fall, or even crash at some point along the way? Is that realistic? No! Some of us choose the long way, having to go through more obstacles. Some of us know shortcuts. Either way, your destination is just that...YOURS. So while you may be sailing through life right now, has it always been that way? Who and what helped put the wind in those sails? Could you have done it without them?

I ask these questions hoping to set the foundation for realizing that just because someone appears to be doing badly, it does not mean they are...in fact, in many cases, it is quite the opposite. But how would you ever know if you never take the time to say, " Hey, I have noticed things have changed a little and just wanted to check in to see if  you are okay, or if there is anything I could do." This sounds a lot more productive and helpful then "Dude, what the hell is your problem lately?"

Lend a hand to someone, don't use it to slap them. If you are out of hands, you still have ears, so just let them be heard. It is amazing what you can learn, and we could ALL use more learning. Struggles don't make us any less human, but overcoming the struggles makes us stronger ones....and helping other's through theirs makes us real ones.

Be real.

Peace and Joy,
Beth

Springtime Bonversations

This past weekend was one for the books. Not because it was wild and crazy, or because something terribly dramatic or overly exciting happened....but because the essence of humanity was radiating.

I don't know what it is about Spring, but it brings out the joy in life. Sure, flowers and plants and trees will bloom and paint our city with bright colors and fragrant blossoms, but it does much more than that to me. So much more blooms. It's something about opening/rolling down windows, sun-kissed skin, a brighter sunrise, memorizing sunsets, the smell of cut grass, the feeling of my bare feet on the ground and my sense of contentment that really gets me. The anticipation of the sandy season where waves are the soundtrack of life...just amazing. It is the season we get to spend hours at the ball field, sitting on the porch taking in the magnificent canvas which we call the sky, and enjoying the simiple things in life.

This weekend we got to share some of our Springtime traditions with someone. From planting flowers, to sitting on the front porch doing nothing, to having fantastic "bonversations" (conversations around a bonfire), to grilling out and watching movies, to riding around in a car singing loudly. It was this weekend that I realized there is something about standing around a fire in good spirits talking about life, love, fellowship, experiences and sharing stories that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It promotes wonderfully intellectually stimulating and thought provoking conversations and enriches your soul, leaving you feeling like not a moment was wasted and all that is left is an open mind, fulfilled heart and lasting impressions and memories.

As I got to experience someone else experiencing what we find joyful, it hit me. Though very few people would choose not to feel joy, some may just not have the opportunities like other people have. There are people all around us that are thirsty for genuine joy, and the things we find simple may be overwhelming for others. To feel surrounded by love, generosity and acceptance is something many of us take for granted. Others don't have this...so while Spring is an open invitation for me to feel and radiate delight and optimism, it also gives me an opportunity to share it, spread it and encourage it.

Without going into detail about this house guest we had, I want to explain that this individual doesn't often get to experience the true nature of how good life can actually be, but for the love of all things worth anything, if I have anything to do with it, they will become comfortable with the corners of their mouth pointing up, with genuine acceptance of who they are, with what it means to really "live life and live it well" and become comfortable with feelings of happiness and joy. This person, along with two or three others, has taught me more about how to appreciate life in ALL that it has to offer, even the bad, than anyone else. To put it into perspective, MJ got this person a jar of honey peanut butter while she was at the store....this person lit up with appreciation and excitement, and at the same time had an overwhelming sense of acceptance. How many of you can say that you can appreciate small things like that? Well, I think it is about time you start learning because it is a beautiful thing to witness and feel.

MJ and I spoke in detail how nice it was to have this person over. Nice for so many reasons. But the fact that she accepted the opportunity with open arms and nurtured the situation made me so very very thankful that she is in my life. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful each and every day for her, but it is times and situations like this that make me press pause on life and just remember who she is down to her core...and I take that paused time to feel blessed beyond measure for getting to know a soul as beautiful as hers. Neither one of us walked on eggshells around our guest or treated them as if they were so fragile that we were afraid to break them. Nope, instead we were real...very very real and for many of you that know us, you know this person got a spoonful of smart ass comments, a belly full of food an earful of loud singing and fun-loving hospitality. I am pretty sure this was appreciated by our guest....and somewhat overwhelming (in a good way).

Long story short, I feel like our Spring has gotten off to a very rewarding and inspiring start. The people I have in my life are amazing, and life as I know it is bliss. I want to make this feeling contagious. Everyone should experience joy...go find yours!

Thank you for letting me share.

Peace and Joy,
Beth

Teacher Mentality

I may not be in a traditional classroom setting at a traditional educational institution, but I AM a teacher.

Lately, I have grown a whollllle new appreciation for teachers. I now find myself getting frustrated when I ask a thought provoking question just to get a smart ass response. I become frustrated at the ones who show out and not take it seriously, potentially hindering the learning process for the ones who are taking it seriously. I find myself asking myself, "Why can't they just grow the hell up?". And then it hit me...

Maybe people don't necessarily need to "grow up", rather they need to grow out. Out of their habits, out of their toxic mindset, and out of their cycle of self sabotage and deprivation. Maybe they need to grow out of their shell, out of hiding, out of their own way. It may not be an interest in positively engaging in their life that is lacking, rather, it may be a lack of education or confidence on how to do so. So maybe, just maybe, they need to be helped OUT, not helped UP.

Different group dynamics require different approaches. Sometimes,  I need to facilitate thinking, not facilitate a class. I need to listen to questions rather than just trying to answer them. I need
 remember that success is not a guarantee, rather it is an option.

I need to realize that even if I only reach 3 of 30 people in my classes, it doesn't mean I've only made a difference in 3 lives. I recently realized that those 3 people will be utilizing the skills and reaching other people in their lives with what they learn in my class. So while I may have only directly had a positive impact on the 3 lives, the potential of indirect impact is....well, endless.

This is why it is so important to appreciate the small things. What people don't realize is that we are all teachers. We all learn from each other. We are all making a difference and having an impact, so it is very important to make it a good one. Be mindful of your attitude, your actions, your outlook, and your communication....you never know who is learning from you.

If we want to continue teaching, we have to continue learning.

Peace and Joy,
Beth

Life Update

Well, a lot has unfolded in the past few weeks. 

First, I started running on a regular basis again. Why is this a big deal? Because I am a runner, and that is what we do....we run. It feels good to say that again. I forgot how uplifting it is to take out any negative emotion on the pavement. It is with every drop of sweat that my body is letting go of something it wants to reject. I just kind of let it all go.... I think about what I want to "run off" and I just let my mind take me to a place of peace. Clarity peruses.

Secondly, I have been in contact with people that really want to work toward a mission to revolutionize recovery. I talk about alignment a lot, and it seems to be falling into place. Meeting people with the same ideas, passions and ambitions is really a beautiful thing. Making this dream a reality is somewhat anxiety provoking because I don't want to fail, but to be a part of something that could potentially be life changing for so many people in our community is blissfully and organically intoxicating in itself.  I am so so very excited to see what comes of this.... I have no words. Oh, and the support I have behind me to go forward is amazing. To be believed in, to be trusted...it is an extraordinary feeling, to say the least.

Thirdly, I feel like I am making progress in my classes at Serenity. I feel like I am reaching more people. That is until last night's class. Before I knew it, half of them had gotten up and left. The topic was emotional intelligence and morals. It turned into a class of trying to understand the differences in thinking and feeling between men and women. I told myself not to be bothered about those who left, because lets face it...many of them are not ready to read into their emotions. Hell, sometimes I have problems doing it myself. It can be overwhelming, especially coming off of substances used to suppress them for so long. I did not take them leaving personally. I have learned  a lot about inventory, and maybe them leaving had to do with issues pertaining to their inventory, and i cannot take responsibility for that. All I can do is continue to teach the ones who are in a place where they are accepting of the information. To my surprise, the ones I thought would leave, stayed. Then there were the ones who stayed that didn't surprise me at all. I know which ones are thirsty for knowledge....they make me proud to be a part of their journey. 

Fourthly, the book. The AA book I have been reading....can I just say, this can apply to EVERYONE. What I have learned about inventory....my gosh the clarity and organization of issues! I suggest everyone delve into this step. At first, I believed it to be self sabotaging, but the more I read, the more I understood it is quite the opposite. It is about prioritizing, organizing and understanding YOUR issues and how they pertain to YOU, and what areas of life they impact. What you resent, what character flaws are present, what fears you have..etc. Then you take it a step further and self-explore to see what it is about these admissions that make you feel they are a part of your inventory. THEN you go even further and understand how and in what areas they have affected your life. Self-esteem, intimacy, relationships, pride, security...etc.. It is as if your mind is a map, and this technique is the GPS system to navigate and make sense of it all. 

Lastly, communication. I just got one of the best pieces of advice about communication. I was asked by someone whom I have a hell of a lot of respect for to refrain from using the phrase "for some reason". At first, I was so confused. Then I realized how often I used that phrase. It was explained to me that when I use that phrase I am basically telling myself and telling those I am communicating with that I am not aware of why I feel a certain way, or why things happen, when in reality I know exactly why. It is almost a mask to hide behind....it is saying, "you're important enough to know that there is a problem that I need to vent about, but not important enough for me to really tell you what is going on." Own the fact that you know why you feel you do, or why you do what you do. Own it because if you don't you will keep writing it off as unimportant and it will never really get resolved when it surfaces later and you wonder why. Also, if you say "for some reason" it leaves those who you are communicating to with the notion that they need to help you figure out why, when in reality, that effort is not needed, nor is it their responsibility to just know exactly what you mean. Funny how little phrases that we use every day can hinder communication with those who are really in tune to the technicalities behind the different parts of communication. Makes you think. Makes you wonder how many times conversations and messages have been misconstrued because of unclear messages.

That's all I have for now. 

Peace and Joy,
Beth