I have been trying to figure out how to write my reflection blog for the new year. How to even begin to reflect on the year 2020 and how I will go into 2021.
Truth is, I can't.
What honestly matters to me, at this very moment, is that I am thankful to have been on this journey we have called 2020 surrounded by the very best people I could have ever been around for it.
I want to give the middle finger to the "New Year, New Me" motto this go around. Why? Because I have survived and gotten through a lot this year. I have experienced disappointments, loss, doubt, emotional heaviness.... I could go on about what I experienced this year. About what has buried me. About what has shaken me. About the emotions I often found myself drowning in some days/weeks. But what I want to focus on is the warrior inside of me. And inside of so many of my loved ones.
So, no. This year doesn't get the New Year, New Me. And you shouldn't feel you have to jump on the bandwagon either. Because as shitty as this year has been, we are coming out of it more badass than ever. With war paint and torn armor, we have risen to every challenge. Why would I want to change that? I feel like I know who I am more now than ever. What I am made of. What I am capable of withstanding. I rarely say this, but I am proud of myself. I AM NOT CHANGING. I am so proud of those who I hold close to my heart, for they have endured so much pain as well, and here they are, defining perseverance in the finest ways.
Do I hope for a better year? Absolutely. This year robbed so many of so much. But do I realistically think that at 12:00am on January 1, 2021 that things are going to automatically just change for the better? Um, no. I'm not saying dismiss hope. I am saying welcome reality. We can all agree that we got a humbling taste of how much our reality can change in such a short amount of time. So, don't take time for granted.
Maybe in 2021 more of us will stop bitching and start creating a living space that is made up of more gratitude and less entitlement. Maybe in 2021 we will stop shaming each other with our perceived righteousness and just mind our own business and just live. Maybe 2021 will be the year that we realize that we don't live our lives for other people, nor should we feel like we need to. Maybe, just maybe, in 2021, we will learn to leave the petty stuff at the door and focus on what really should matter. The things that hold not only meaning, but value.
Whatever 2021 brings me, I know I will be as ready as I can be. For the blessings, I have a more humbled heart to not only accept them but to be truly thankful and grateful for them. And for the trials, I know I have layers of shield from the callouses formed while working on surviving 2020.
I'll leave what I've gained from 2020 for it's own post. It deserves to stand in solidarity after the fight that was fought to maintain an understanding that it is possible that so much was gained in a year where so much was taken.
My New Years resolution for 2021? Who the hell knows....
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