Dear Broad Squad...

I have felt compelled to share something with you all.

I am so sorry. About everything everyone is going through. About having to navigate the emotions, the journey, and the experiences through all of this. I have so much love for you all. My heart has doubled in size just knowing that none of us have to experience this alone. I pray for all of us daily and very intentionally. To have the strength and courage to voyage these rough waters. To be at peace with acceptance, and to trust in the support of each other. It's kind of a beautiful thing that we have been brought closer and now have the common thread of Mary Ann. And how that Mary Ann shaped hole inside of us may not ever  be filled, but will always be what makes her live inside us forever. I want to hug all of your hearts. But most importantly, I want to open mine up to each of you with some perspective that I hope you find valuable or comforting.

I am not going to talk about how incredible Mary Ann is. I am not going to talk about why everyone should have the opportunity to know her. Why? Because each of you that are reading this are here because of her, and whatever part of your journey she played, you know exactly why already. She has touched each of our lives, and though we have all had our own experiences with her, we can all agree that we could go on for a lifetime about how she enriched each and every one of us in one way or another.

I want to instead talk about grief. I want each of you to know that it manifests differently in everyone. Everyone experiences trauma differently. Everyone goes at their own pace when it comes to acceptance. And if someone is not experiencing it the way you are, or the way you expect them to, it doesn't make their grief any less intense for them. Don't let the way each other grieves divide you. Always remember the "why" behind the grief and understand that the grief is just the way love cries. 

We are allowed to be selfish in our feelings, but not to tread in those waters. We can be angry and upset that we have to lose a friend... That we want her around forever. That she was robbed. But one thing I genuinely believe is that we are NOT allowed to feel sorry for ourselves or for Becca and the kids. Before you think I am being heartless, hear me out...

Feeling sorry insinuates a sense of helplessness or doubt. But overall, let's look closer at what we are really looking at here...
Has there ever been a day that has gone by that someone, if not multiple people, have reached out, checked in, and offered help? Has there ever been a time where Becca or Mary Ann couldn't count on SOMEONE to help at the drop of a hat? Has there ever been a time where we haven't collectively sent waves of prayers, good vibes, light, laughter, or love? Has there ever been a time where we haven't figured things out together, even if it mean taking shifts at doing different things just to get the job done? Have we done our part to make sure Becca's stubbornness doesn't get the best of her when we know she needs help? Have we shown up and stayed for the hard talks? Have we showered the family with love and care? Is there ANY shred of doubt that we will continue doing these things forever on end? 

I look around at each of you, and I can certainly answer these questions with confidence. We aren't allowed to feel sorry because they will forever feel the love of this rather large extended chosen family. I am certain Becca is confident that between this circle of framily, she and the kids will be taken care of. I am certain that Mary Ann trusts that as well, and is comfortable leaving them in our hands. And let's  not forget the unwavering strength Becca exudes. It is not our responsibility to feel sorry. It is our responsibility to uphold the love, grace, and support that they need. That we all need...from each other. It is our responsibility to celebrate Mary Ann and the time we got to have with her. We will be there to have slumber parties with Becca when the bed feels...bigger. We will be there to take the kids while she catches up on sleep, or wants a night away. We will be there at every event the kids have. We will be there at every milestone, setback, and the in-betweens. To be so confident and so sure about this is honestly quite humbling and reflects the values of how this family works. And just because one chapter comes to a devastatingly unfair end.... it doesn't mean we close the book. We keep writing it.  

Please don't get me wrong...I am not minimizing anyone's feelings. Lord knows tears are a plenty and hearts are aching. And rightfully so!  I am simply singing the praises of the strength of this family. And how it is going to be the saving grace of such an unfortunate, emotionally heavy, and unfair loss. We will be deprived of future endeavors with Mary Ann, but we will not deprive ourselves of her memory, her family, or honoring her. Think about the blessings that have happened in our lives just because she has been in it. Think about the number of smiles and laughs that we got to experience because of her. Think about what we learned about life thanks to her. Those things are forever instilled in us. And forever instilled in Becca and the kids. Nothing can take that from us. And THAT is the very reason why I have no worries about Becca and the kid's future. Resiliency is as strong as the support that reinforces it. We are that support. And damn we are strong together. 

Cry it out. Reach out. Run 10 miles. Break shit. Experience your grief. Experience the hurt. But also remember that through loss much is found. And for the Hunt-Soulis family, they have cultivated a family so big and so selfless and so strong that the only thing left to be found is the gift of relief that everything is going to be okay. 

Look at how comfortable we are fulfilling this heart work. Look at how we have collectively gotten through this journey thus far, and how we have gotten this family this far. Now think about how warm that light feels on the Hunt-Soulis'. When Becca says things like, "No worries, I got it", she does. She is strong and she is confident. Because what that statement means is we've got it. And we do. Always.

All my love,
Beth