Life Update

Well, a lot has unfolded in the past few weeks. 

First, I started running on a regular basis again. Why is this a big deal? Because I am a runner, and that is what we do....we run. It feels good to say that again. I forgot how uplifting it is to take out any negative emotion on the pavement. It is with every drop of sweat that my body is letting go of something it wants to reject. I just kind of let it all go.... I think about what I want to "run off" and I just let my mind take me to a place of peace. Clarity peruses.

Secondly, I have been in contact with people that really want to work toward a mission to revolutionize recovery. I talk about alignment a lot, and it seems to be falling into place. Meeting people with the same ideas, passions and ambitions is really a beautiful thing. Making this dream a reality is somewhat anxiety provoking because I don't want to fail, but to be a part of something that could potentially be life changing for so many people in our community is blissfully and organically intoxicating in itself.  I am so so very excited to see what comes of this.... I have no words. Oh, and the support I have behind me to go forward is amazing. To be believed in, to be trusted...it is an extraordinary feeling, to say the least.

Thirdly, I feel like I am making progress in my classes at Serenity. I feel like I am reaching more people. That is until last night's class. Before I knew it, half of them had gotten up and left. The topic was emotional intelligence and morals. It turned into a class of trying to understand the differences in thinking and feeling between men and women. I told myself not to be bothered about those who left, because lets face it...many of them are not ready to read into their emotions. Hell, sometimes I have problems doing it myself. It can be overwhelming, especially coming off of substances used to suppress them for so long. I did not take them leaving personally. I have learned  a lot about inventory, and maybe them leaving had to do with issues pertaining to their inventory, and i cannot take responsibility for that. All I can do is continue to teach the ones who are in a place where they are accepting of the information. To my surprise, the ones I thought would leave, stayed. Then there were the ones who stayed that didn't surprise me at all. I know which ones are thirsty for knowledge....they make me proud to be a part of their journey. 

Fourthly, the book. The AA book I have been reading....can I just say, this can apply to EVERYONE. What I have learned about inventory....my gosh the clarity and organization of issues! I suggest everyone delve into this step. At first, I believed it to be self sabotaging, but the more I read, the more I understood it is quite the opposite. It is about prioritizing, organizing and understanding YOUR issues and how they pertain to YOU, and what areas of life they impact. What you resent, what character flaws are present, what fears you have..etc. Then you take it a step further and self-explore to see what it is about these admissions that make you feel they are a part of your inventory. THEN you go even further and understand how and in what areas they have affected your life. Self-esteem, intimacy, relationships, pride, security...etc.. It is as if your mind is a map, and this technique is the GPS system to navigate and make sense of it all. 

Lastly, communication. I just got one of the best pieces of advice about communication. I was asked by someone whom I have a hell of a lot of respect for to refrain from using the phrase "for some reason". At first, I was so confused. Then I realized how often I used that phrase. It was explained to me that when I use that phrase I am basically telling myself and telling those I am communicating with that I am not aware of why I feel a certain way, or why things happen, when in reality I know exactly why. It is almost a mask to hide behind....it is saying, "you're important enough to know that there is a problem that I need to vent about, but not important enough for me to really tell you what is going on." Own the fact that you know why you feel you do, or why you do what you do. Own it because if you don't you will keep writing it off as unimportant and it will never really get resolved when it surfaces later and you wonder why. Also, if you say "for some reason" it leaves those who you are communicating to with the notion that they need to help you figure out why, when in reality, that effort is not needed, nor is it their responsibility to just know exactly what you mean. Funny how little phrases that we use every day can hinder communication with those who are really in tune to the technicalities behind the different parts of communication. Makes you think. Makes you wonder how many times conversations and messages have been misconstrued because of unclear messages.

That's all I have for now. 

Peace and Joy,
Beth 

Questions and Naked Truths

What if we stripped our minds of fear and judgement? What if we exposed our brains to vulnerability? What if we took off the cloak that our thoughts hide behind? What type of person would you be if you exposed your truths?

The naked brain....what a though, right? As much information we take in, we also expell just as much. The observational question here is, do they match? We, as a people, tend to leave parts of ourselves a mystery. We opt to diclose different things about our lives to different people. Why do we censor ourselves to some and not others? Is it fear? Is it a protective factor? Is it our subconscious?

And is it in our best interest to process everything we take in? Does it result in a truer response, or does it allow us to edit the perceptions to better fit our lives? Do we make information relate to us? For instance, I find a way to make every song I hear apply to my life somehow. Now if I really had all the things in the songs I hear going on in my life, I would live in constant chaos....but I find myself enjoying the song so much more when I can find meaning in it.

Do we live up to our expectations, or do we try to live up to the expectations others have of us? And would we admit that?

Questions...we answer them every day. But have you ever stopped to think about what they do for us? No matter what the question, it makes us evaluate ourselves in order to come up with an answer. Favorite color, choice in music, which health insurance plan to go with. It's a wonder how some of us swear we don't know ourselves.

We hear "I dunno" all the time too. Do we really not know, or are we deflecting? Or are we too lazy to answer? Or is the question not challenging enough or intellectually stimulating enough?

Who knows....