There are 2 sides to a difference. We often forget that. We expect people to be like us, to think like us, and to fight for the same things we fight for daily. We forget about the people and ideas that we have to go up against.
We can feel so passionately about something and then wonder how others cannot. We can put our blood, sweat, and tears into causes that other people may not give a care about... and we automatically assume that they are bad people for not caring about the causes we advocate for so wholeheartedly. We think, "do they even have a heart?"
It's hard to keep in mind that people are fighting for things that they believe in just as hard as we are... they just happened to be the some of the exact things that we are fighting against. So you see, we are all doing what we believe is the "right thing to do". Most of us are on our moral high horse, no matter liberal or conservative.
But let's be real for a second:
No matter the outcome of this election, we were still going to go to Starbucks and sip are $4 fancy coffee, sit on our porches with our fancy shoes propped up with our big yards in the background, while we take pictures on our fancy phones, and pick out fancy filters, and make our lives appear as if everything is perfect in our world, like we do every day anyway. We will post pictures of Bible quotes and we will make sure to show the world that we are doing good things, even though on the inside we are a wreck and need the attention. We will pick our perfect flowers, put them in our perfect golden flaked vases, set them on our shabby chic coffee tables and use clever hashtags to describe our priveleged lives. Who is real anymore?
I'm not even sure, but I know what IS real? Love. Love is real.
Trump or no Trump, some of us would still be judged for the way we love. Receiving glares, being called deplorable. Laws or no laws, some people would still bully, say racist/sexist remarks, carry out violent crimes, and discriminate. People will still protest, terrorize, and hate. The government can't fix hate. It can only make consequences for those who get caught.
People can fix hate, though. But not like this. Not by perpetuating the notion that one party has all the answers to all of the problems our nation faces. Yes, it blows ass that some have fought for YEARS to make the progress that has been made, and yes for some it seems as if we've taken 10 giant leaps back. But you know what's great about taking steps back? It's familiar territory. Territory we have navigated, and have gotten through, and prevailed.
I hear "but we fought so hard to get this far"...
Did WE? Can we all really say that? I can honestly say, aside from signing a few petitions, showing up to a few events, and voting, I had no part in the "fight". I didn't protest, I didn't picket, I didn't get on a bullhorn and start chants to get people to listen. I didn't stand in front of places and hand out fliers. I didn't make cold calls to survey how people felt about certain issues. I didn't attempt to write literature to teach tolerance. I didn't write the white house 4 times a month. I didn't join any groups or offer to rally. How many of us can actually say "we fought so hard..."? I am fortunate to know some who can, but I can't. I just sat on the sidelines and cheered the people on who were doing all the legwork, and selfishly waited until we could reap the benefits of defeat.
THAT is what is wrong with our country. We wait for people to solve our problems. We don't participate in our own victories. We don't stand up and DO something to make progress on issues we deem important to us. We don't REALLY know the value of what we stand for, because we aren't involved enough.
But the country had something to say Nov 8. People showed up. People voted. Some people voted FOR things, and some voted AGAINST. We were left with the crumbs at the bottom of a cookie jar to pick from, and the winner had the hungrier people.
And then the country shattered. I seem to remember a couple of moths ago, my Facebook feed FILLED with phrases like "not all black people are thugs", and "not all Muslims are terrorists" and "not all police are corrupt". Now some of those same people are labeling ALL Trump supporters are racist/misogynistic/homophobic monsters who voted for hate.
Wow. Just wow.
Our country didn't get it wrong by voting for Trump. Our country got it wrong when it they narrowed it down to these two in the first place. We can blame the outcome on the media or on the people who just trusted Facebook to give them information, or the people who were just sick and tired and wanted so badly for things to change. We can blame it on each other, we can blame it on racism, we can blame it on whatever other social injustice there is out there. But blame changes nothing.
If we have to take a step back just to start moving forward again then so be it. We can't just say we've come this far just to give up. We keep going. We hold on tight to the people that believe in the things that we believe in, and want the same things that we want, and want to progress the way that we want to progress... and we move mountains with them! We spend time encouraging each other rather than tearing down people who do not quite see things the way that we see them.
Now is a better time than ever to realize how many people are now willing to speak out for what they believe in. The voter turnout, despite the outcome, spoke volumes about how much progress really has been made.
When we are so disgusted, and when we talk about hate, and when we talked about how disappointed we are and the people of this nation, we completely dismiss and overlook and underestimate the good things that were shown to us through this election. Voter turnout was at a record high several places, the notion of our first female president was a reality. People are more willing than ever to get involved. No matter which way on the pendulum you swing, you realize you have a voice. We can say what we want about either candidate, but we really need to be careful about what we say about each other. We do not have the room or the time for hate.
We are resilient we are vigilant and we are profoundly strong. Once the dust settles we will be able to see clearly again. And it is then that we begin to hold our heads up and march forward, demanding to redefine leadership. Until then, we love. We hope. We keep moving.
So many people are fighting so many battles: socially, economically, spiritually...etc. When we encourage people to speak up and make change, and be leaders...we have to mean it while remembering people have different views and and they,too, are speaking up and being leaders. On Nov 8, people DID speak up, people DID want change, people DID stand for something. And it showed just how divided we are. Trump didn't win. Hillary didn't lose. America simply quit the game and played the pieces it had left.
Am I happy about the results? I wasn't even happy with the choices. But I have hope that he may surprise us. I have to have hope. I have to believe this huge crack in this system is to simply let light shine through. I have to believe that sometimes you have to break something to make something. This is America's 4th down hail mary....risky, but there's always hope.
Saturday, November 12, 2016
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
A September to {emotionally} Remember
Well, it's September..whether I'm ready for it or not. This time last year my world, and the world's of two of my most favorite people, were slowly crashing. It was the month from hell.
September 18, 2015 - It's the middle of the night, and I rush mj to the ER with 104.2 fever and severe stomach complications. We were in the hospital for 5 nights....very long nights. It was emotionally exhausting, and I felt so helpless. I cannot IMAGINE the horror she endured for that time.. To this day, things are not quite back to 100% normal functioning, but she's much, much better. Effing salmonella. But the support we had and the visitors we had....made a world of difference. Having to dig deeep inside to find strength to stay strong, and diligent, and positive for someone who is at their weakest is really an extraordinary feat. Especially when they are one of the strongest people you know. It was heartbreaking and terrifying to see her in such a state. I can't imagine what it felt like for her.
September 20, 2015 - my sister, Nikki, lost someone near and dear to her to Ovarian Cancer. I only had the privilege to speak to Jess a few times on the phone and through facebook, but man....what a golden human. Nikkis world was shattered with the loss of Jess. There's an unfillable hole in her heart, and her pain is my pain. Again, I was helpless, and could only comfort Nikki with support and kind words. No one can take that pain away or make it okay. But to see Nikki hurt that badly was gut wrenching. Still is.... She thinks about Jess often, and she still hurts deeply, but I think Jess would be proud of who she has grown to be. I am.
September 29, 2015 - I said goodbye to the job I didn't want to leave. But little did I know the real challenges that came with losing a job. It took me EIGHT months to find a job. Eight. What a humbling experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But none of that mattered as much as the loss of the job. They let go of me, but I could not, and still can't, let go of them. I was serving and living my life's calling. I was, and still am, hyper-passionate about that work. And then boom! Grants get cut and I have the rug pulled out from under me. #nonprofitprobs. I could go on and on and on about the emotional scars it left me with, and how much it still pains me today....but I really don't have the emotional energy for that rerun. I'm thankful I am working now, and still helping people that really need it....but it's not the same. I try my hardest to make it the same, but it's not. I like what I do, I LOVE the people....but I'm still grieving, I guess.
September sucked. When circumstances happen that are out of your control, you already feel defeated. And learning what I COULD control and how I COULD be helpful are lessons I'm appreciative for learning. And yes, I'm emotional as I enter into the month of September this year, but I'm going to try to do something good every single day, so that even if something bad does happen, there was still good. I cannot survive another September like last year's. I don't have the emotional capacity. And I KNOW Melissa and Nikki can do without reliving their September's as well. So, September 1st....I'm not ready for you, but I am up to the challenge of defeating you.
September 18, 2015 - It's the middle of the night, and I rush mj to the ER with 104.2 fever and severe stomach complications. We were in the hospital for 5 nights....very long nights. It was emotionally exhausting, and I felt so helpless. I cannot IMAGINE the horror she endured for that time.. To this day, things are not quite back to 100% normal functioning, but she's much, much better. Effing salmonella. But the support we had and the visitors we had....made a world of difference. Having to dig deeep inside to find strength to stay strong, and diligent, and positive for someone who is at their weakest is really an extraordinary feat. Especially when they are one of the strongest people you know. It was heartbreaking and terrifying to see her in such a state. I can't imagine what it felt like for her.
September 20, 2015 - my sister, Nikki, lost someone near and dear to her to Ovarian Cancer. I only had the privilege to speak to Jess a few times on the phone and through facebook, but man....what a golden human. Nikkis world was shattered with the loss of Jess. There's an unfillable hole in her heart, and her pain is my pain. Again, I was helpless, and could only comfort Nikki with support and kind words. No one can take that pain away or make it okay. But to see Nikki hurt that badly was gut wrenching. Still is.... She thinks about Jess often, and she still hurts deeply, but I think Jess would be proud of who she has grown to be. I am.
September 29, 2015 - I said goodbye to the job I didn't want to leave. But little did I know the real challenges that came with losing a job. It took me EIGHT months to find a job. Eight. What a humbling experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But none of that mattered as much as the loss of the job. They let go of me, but I could not, and still can't, let go of them. I was serving and living my life's calling. I was, and still am, hyper-passionate about that work. And then boom! Grants get cut and I have the rug pulled out from under me. #nonprofitprobs. I could go on and on and on about the emotional scars it left me with, and how much it still pains me today....but I really don't have the emotional energy for that rerun. I'm thankful I am working now, and still helping people that really need it....but it's not the same. I try my hardest to make it the same, but it's not. I like what I do, I LOVE the people....but I'm still grieving, I guess.
September sucked. When circumstances happen that are out of your control, you already feel defeated. And learning what I COULD control and how I COULD be helpful are lessons I'm appreciative for learning. And yes, I'm emotional as I enter into the month of September this year, but I'm going to try to do something good every single day, so that even if something bad does happen, there was still good. I cannot survive another September like last year's. I don't have the emotional capacity. And I KNOW Melissa and Nikki can do without reliving their September's as well. So, September 1st....I'm not ready for you, but I am up to the challenge of defeating you.
A September to {emotionally} Remember
Well, it's September..whether I'm ready for it or not. This time last year my world, and the world's of two of my most favorite people, were slowly crashing. It was the month from hell.
September 18, 2015 - It's the middle of the night, and I rush mj to the ER with 104.2 fever and severe stomach complications. We were in the hospital for 5 nights....very long nights. It was emotionally exhausting, and I felt so helpless. I cannot IMAGINE the horror she endured for that time.. To this day, things are not quite back to 100% normal functioning, but she's much, much better. Effing salmonella. But the support we had and the visitors we had....made a world of difference. Having to dig deeep inside to find strength to stay strong, and diligent, and positive for someone who is at their weakest is really an extraordinary feat. Eslecially when they are one of the steongest people you know. It was heartbreaking and terrifying to see her in such a state. I can't imagine what it felt like for her.
September 20, 2015 - my sister, Nikki, lost someone near and dear to her to Ovarian Cancer. I only had the privilege to speak to Jess a few times on the phone and through facebook, but man....what a golden human. Nikkis world was shattered with the loss of Jess. There's an unfillable hole in her heart, and her pain is my pain. Again, I was helpless, and could only comfort Nikki with support and kind words. No one can take that pain away or make it okay. But to see Nikki hurt that badly was gut wrenching. Still is.... She thinks about Jess often, and she still hurts deeply, but I think Jess would be proud of who she has grown to be. I am.
September 29, 2015 - I said goodbye to the job I didn't want to leave. But little did I know the real challenges that came with losing a job. It took me EIGHT months to find a job. Eight. What a humbling experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But none of that mattered as much as the loss of the job. They let go of me, but I could not, and still can't, let go of them. I was serving and living my life's calling. I was, and still am, hyper-passionate about that work. And then boom! Grants get cut and I have the rug pulled out from under me. #nonprofitprobs. I could go on and on and on about the emotional scars it left me with, and how much it still pains me today....but I really don't have the emotional energy for that rerun. I'm thankful I am working now, and still helping people that really need it....but it's not the same. I try my hardest to make it the same, but it's not. I like what I do, I LOVE the people....but I'm still grieving, I guess.
September sucked. When circumstances happen that are out of your control, you already feel defeated. And learning what I COULD control and how I COULD be helpful are lessons I'm appreciative for learning. And yes, I'm emotional as I enter into the month of September this year, but I'm going to try to do something good every single day, so that even if something bad does happen, there was still good. I cannot survive another September like last year's. I don't have the emotional capacity. And I KNOW Melissa and Nikki can do without reliving their September's as well. So, September 1st....I'm not ready for you, but I am up to the challenge of defeating you.
September 18, 2015 - It's the middle of the night, and I rush mj to the ER with 104.2 fever and severe stomach complications. We were in the hospital for 5 nights....very long nights. It was emotionally exhausting, and I felt so helpless. I cannot IMAGINE the horror she endured for that time.. To this day, things are not quite back to 100% normal functioning, but she's much, much better. Effing salmonella. But the support we had and the visitors we had....made a world of difference. Having to dig deeep inside to find strength to stay strong, and diligent, and positive for someone who is at their weakest is really an extraordinary feat. Eslecially when they are one of the steongest people you know. It was heartbreaking and terrifying to see her in such a state. I can't imagine what it felt like for her.
September 20, 2015 - my sister, Nikki, lost someone near and dear to her to Ovarian Cancer. I only had the privilege to speak to Jess a few times on the phone and through facebook, but man....what a golden human. Nikkis world was shattered with the loss of Jess. There's an unfillable hole in her heart, and her pain is my pain. Again, I was helpless, and could only comfort Nikki with support and kind words. No one can take that pain away or make it okay. But to see Nikki hurt that badly was gut wrenching. Still is.... She thinks about Jess often, and she still hurts deeply, but I think Jess would be proud of who she has grown to be. I am.
September 29, 2015 - I said goodbye to the job I didn't want to leave. But little did I know the real challenges that came with losing a job. It took me EIGHT months to find a job. Eight. What a humbling experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But none of that mattered as much as the loss of the job. They let go of me, but I could not, and still can't, let go of them. I was serving and living my life's calling. I was, and still am, hyper-passionate about that work. And then boom! Grants get cut and I have the rug pulled out from under me. #nonprofitprobs. I could go on and on and on about the emotional scars it left me with, and how much it still pains me today....but I really don't have the emotional energy for that rerun. I'm thankful I am working now, and still helping people that really need it....but it's not the same. I try my hardest to make it the same, but it's not. I like what I do, I LOVE the people....but I'm still grieving, I guess.
September sucked. When circumstances happen that are out of your control, you already feel defeated. And learning what I COULD control and how I COULD be helpful are lessons I'm appreciative for learning. And yes, I'm emotional as I enter into the month of September this year, but I'm going to try to do something good every single day, so that even if something bad does happen, there was still good. I cannot survive another September like last year's. I don't have the emotional capacity. And I KNOW Melissa and Nikki can do without reliving their September's as well. So, September 1st....I'm not ready for you, but I am up to the challenge of defeating you.
A September to {emotionally} Remember
Well, it's September..whether I'm ready for it or not. This time last year my world, and the world's of two of my most favorite people, were slowly crashing. It was the month from hell.
September 18, 2015 - It's the middle of the night, and I rush mj to the ER with 104.2 fever and severe stomach complications. We were in the hospital for 5 nights....very long nights. It was emotionally exhausting, and I felt so helpless. I cannot IMAGINE the horror she endured for that time.. To this day, things are not quite back to 100% normal functioning, but she's much, much better. Effing salmonella. But the support we had and the visitors we had....made a world of difference. Having to dig deeep inside to find strength to stay strong, and diligent, and positive for someone who is at their weakest is really an extraordinary feat. Eslecially when they are one of the steongest people you know. It was heartbreaking and terrifying to see her in such a state. I can't imagine what it felt like for her.
September 20, 2015 - my sister, Nikki, lost someone near and dear to her to Ovarian Cancer. I only had the privilege to speak to Jess a few times on the phone and through facebook, but man....what a golden human. Nikkis world was shattered with the loss of Jess. There's an unfillable hole in her heart, and her pain is my pain. Again, I was helpless, and could only comfort Nikki with support and kind words. No one can take that pain away or make it okay. But to see Nikki hurt that badly was gut wrenching. Still is.... She thinks about Jess often, and she still hurts deeply, but I think Jess would be proud of who she has grown to be. I am.
September 29, 2015 - I said goodbye to the job I didn't want to leave. But little did I know the real challenges that came with losing a job. It took me EIGHT months to find a job. Eight. What a humbling experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But none of that mattered as much as the loss of the job. They let go of me, but I could not, and still can't, let go of them. I was serving and living my life's calling. I was, and still am, hyper-passionate about that work. And then boom! Grants get cut and I have the rug pulled out from under me. #nonprofitprobs. I could go on and on and on about the emotional scars it left me with, and how much it still pains me today....but I really don't have the emotional energy for that rerun. I'm thankful I am working now, and still helping people that really need it....but it's not the same. I try my hardest to make it the same, but it's not. I like what I do, I LOVE the people....but I'm still grieving, I guess.
September sucked. When circumstances happen that are out of your control, you already feel defeated. And learning what I COULD control and how I COULD be helpful are lessons I'm appreciative for learning. And yes, I'm emotional as I enter into the month of September this year, but I'm going to try to do something good every single day, so that even if something bad does happen, there was still good. I cannot survive another September like last year's. I don't have the emotional capacity. And I KNOW Melissa and Nikki can do without reliving their September's as well. So, September 1st....I'm not ready for you, but I am up to the challenge of defeating you.
September 18, 2015 - It's the middle of the night, and I rush mj to the ER with 104.2 fever and severe stomach complications. We were in the hospital for 5 nights....very long nights. It was emotionally exhausting, and I felt so helpless. I cannot IMAGINE the horror she endured for that time.. To this day, things are not quite back to 100% normal functioning, but she's much, much better. Effing salmonella. But the support we had and the visitors we had....made a world of difference. Having to dig deeep inside to find strength to stay strong, and diligent, and positive for someone who is at their weakest is really an extraordinary feat. Eslecially when they are one of the steongest people you know. It was heartbreaking and terrifying to see her in such a state. I can't imagine what it felt like for her.
September 20, 2015 - my sister, Nikki, lost someone near and dear to her to Ovarian Cancer. I only had the privilege to speak to Jess a few times on the phone and through facebook, but man....what a golden human. Nikkis world was shattered with the loss of Jess. There's an unfillable hole in her heart, and her pain is my pain. Again, I was helpless, and could only comfort Nikki with support and kind words. No one can take that pain away or make it okay. But to see Nikki hurt that badly was gut wrenching. Still is.... She thinks about Jess often, and she still hurts deeply, but I think Jess would be proud of who she has grown to be. I am.
September 29, 2015 - I said goodbye to the job I didn't want to leave. But little did I know the real challenges that came with losing a job. It took me EIGHT months to find a job. Eight. What a humbling experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But none of that mattered as much as the loss of the job. They let go of me, but I could not, and still can't, let go of them. I was serving and living my life's calling. I was, and still am, hyper-passionate about that work. And then boom! Grants get cut and I have the rug pulled out from under me. #nonprofitprobs. I could go on and on and on about the emotional scars it left me with, and how much it still pains me today....but I really don't have the emotional energy for that rerun. I'm thankful I am working now, and still helping people that really need it....but it's not the same. I try my hardest to make it the same, but it's not. I like what I do, I LOVE the people....but I'm still grieving, I guess.
September sucked. When circumstances happen that are out of your control, you already feel defeated. And learning what I COULD control and how I COULD be helpful are lessons I'm appreciative for learning. And yes, I'm emotional as I enter into the month of September this year, but I'm going to try to do something good every single day, so that even if something bad does happen, there was still good. I cannot survive another September like last year's. I don't have the emotional capacity. And I KNOW Melissa and Nikki can do without reliving their September's as well. So, September 1st....I'm not ready for you, but I am up to the challenge of defeating you.
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
The Red, White and American Blues
Orlando...what a pivotal eye opener for so many reasons. And I'm sure if we collected all the hashtags related to this tragedy, it would be just as effed up as the situation itself. You don't have to live in Orlando to feel the ramifications of what happened. Orlando is OURlando. So no matter what political high point resonated with you most out of this situation, bottom line is, it's a problem. Whether it be the LGBT issues, gun control, terrorism, public safety, mental health, or religion....it doesn't matter.
When people who consider themselves American begin to even slightly empathize with terrorists based on the group they target, that's a problem. When people know everything about the Kardashians but don't know the words to the National al Anthem, that's a problem. When people without jobs are living more comfortably that middle class workers, that's a problem. When hypocrisy is embedded into the norm, that's a problem. When the media is so manipulative that no one knows what's legit and what's not, that is a problem.
In order for us to "make America great again", we have to know what it means to actually be Americans. What sacrifice really means. What progress really looks like. We have to understand that standing united doesn't mean everyone has the same views and positions in life. What FREEDOM and BRAVERY really are. Home of the free does not mean you are entitled to have things handed to you merely because you're an American. The only thing you are entitled to is opportunity...and you have to take those yourself. You are not afforded the freedom to play God, no matter how richeous you feel you are. And for the love of all things good, Freedom isn't synonymous with inconsequential.
American pride doesn't mean you take for granted your liberties. Pride means you understand, honor and appreciate how and why we have those liberties in the first place, and you stand up for and defend them. You are mindful of those fighting for our freedoms. You honor and protect the American flag. Being a decent human being is a small task compared to the sacrifices being made to defend the right to do believe and think and speak the way we want.
It doesn't mean conforming to things we don't understand or agree with. It means, that despite our differences, our neighbors are our brothers and sisters of red white and blue. We have become so desensitized to the name of our country...so very little do we use her whole name....we call her by her last name, "America", as if we even really know her anymore. I think words are important for depth and meaning. We don't live in America...we live in the United States of America. We need to get back to knowing what that really means.
It's not making light of horrific curcumstances, it's being the light in those circumstances. We don't praise terrorists for "taking out the gays". We don't perpetuate racial discrimination by poisoning the image of the police by over generalizing their objectives. We don't say that because it's a gay bar it has nothing to do with those who are not gay. We don't say that because so and so doesn't go to church as frequently as others they aren't Christians, or that they are going to hell. We dont say "all lives matter" and then continue to degrade one another. NONE of that is for us to say.
What we say is please and thank you. We say united we stand. We say God bless America. We say love prevails. We say love thy neighbor. We say justice for all. And when we are crossed, we protect ourselves and our own. When our country has been terrorized, we come together. We have ALL been offended, and we all stand up for liberty. We don't turn a blind eye to tragedy and minimize destruction because it only targets a certain "controversial" demographic. What we should turn a blind eye to is WHY someone/a group would cause such devistation....because what does it really effing matter? The "why" doesn't change the end result.
Our country is just that...OURS. We sit here and judge and hate and discriminate, and blame, and shame others so much that being offended has become offensive. Divided we fall....and we have fallen in so many ways. But after a fall, we must get back up. It shouldn't be "make America great again"...it should be "make America United again".
When people who consider themselves American begin to even slightly empathize with terrorists based on the group they target, that's a problem. When people know everything about the Kardashians but don't know the words to the National al Anthem, that's a problem. When people without jobs are living more comfortably that middle class workers, that's a problem. When hypocrisy is embedded into the norm, that's a problem. When the media is so manipulative that no one knows what's legit and what's not, that is a problem.
In order for us to "make America great again", we have to know what it means to actually be Americans. What sacrifice really means. What progress really looks like. We have to understand that standing united doesn't mean everyone has the same views and positions in life. What FREEDOM and BRAVERY really are. Home of the free does not mean you are entitled to have things handed to you merely because you're an American. The only thing you are entitled to is opportunity...and you have to take those yourself. You are not afforded the freedom to play God, no matter how richeous you feel you are. And for the love of all things good, Freedom isn't synonymous with inconsequential.
American pride doesn't mean you take for granted your liberties. Pride means you understand, honor and appreciate how and why we have those liberties in the first place, and you stand up for and defend them. You are mindful of those fighting for our freedoms. You honor and protect the American flag. Being a decent human being is a small task compared to the sacrifices being made to defend the right to do believe and think and speak the way we want.
It doesn't mean conforming to things we don't understand or agree with. It means, that despite our differences, our neighbors are our brothers and sisters of red white and blue. We have become so desensitized to the name of our country...so very little do we use her whole name....we call her by her last name, "America", as if we even really know her anymore. I think words are important for depth and meaning. We don't live in America...we live in the United States of America. We need to get back to knowing what that really means.
It's not making light of horrific curcumstances, it's being the light in those circumstances. We don't praise terrorists for "taking out the gays". We don't perpetuate racial discrimination by poisoning the image of the police by over generalizing their objectives. We don't say that because it's a gay bar it has nothing to do with those who are not gay. We don't say that because so and so doesn't go to church as frequently as others they aren't Christians, or that they are going to hell. We dont say "all lives matter" and then continue to degrade one another. NONE of that is for us to say.
What we say is please and thank you. We say united we stand. We say God bless America. We say love prevails. We say love thy neighbor. We say justice for all. And when we are crossed, we protect ourselves and our own. When our country has been terrorized, we come together. We have ALL been offended, and we all stand up for liberty. We don't turn a blind eye to tragedy and minimize destruction because it only targets a certain "controversial" demographic. What we should turn a blind eye to is WHY someone/a group would cause such devistation....because what does it really effing matter? The "why" doesn't change the end result.
Our country is just that...OURS. We sit here and judge and hate and discriminate, and blame, and shame others so much that being offended has become offensive. Divided we fall....and we have fallen in so many ways. But after a fall, we must get back up. It shouldn't be "make America great again"...it should be "make America United again".
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
That Leadership Has Sailed...
Somehow, we as a people have taken leadership and internalized it. It's so singular. It has become about numbers and rankings and socioeconomic class. It's about endorsements and personal recognition. Personal records and stats.
When did we start playing for the name on the back of our jerseys instead of the front? When did the PART we play not include a WHOLE? When did we start finding value in competing against our own teammates, rather than with them? And when did we start using excuses over truth or reasoning? When did we stop taking responsibility or accountability?
Growing up, I learned that leadership was taking initiative as a part of something for the betterment of the whole. I learned that leadership is selfless, it's guidance, it's setting an example. It's taking criticism and turning it into strength and bravery. It's observing. It's taking your own mistakes and asking how to change them. It's observing others mistakes and learning from them. It's about not letting our own pride stand in the way of being there for the rest of the team.
It's about casting out your characteristics, and putting yourself out there without the fear of failure. It's about letting go of excuses and holding on to faith and perseverance. It's about being resilient. It's about taking a bad day and making the next one better with no exception. I never felt a sense of entitlement. We were aware of our own talents and flaws, but we learned the talents and flaws of our teammates as well, because only then could we reach our full potential. Ego was not boisterous, and we were encouraging rather than discouraging.
Leadership taught me about being appreciative, not how to demand it. It taught me how to excel in life. It taught me that my individual strength has value for not only me, but as an asset to my network or team. You don't outgrow leadership...it manifests itself into all aspects of your life. If you choose to internalize leadership, then you might ultimately be choosing to short yourself of the skills it takes to be successful in a world made ip of all sorts of teams, traditions and networks.
No matter what kind of team you are a part of, whether it is sports, work, family, group, band...etc, you are a part of something bigger than yourself! You are representing your family, school, company, community, or organization. You represent the pride and traditions of something others built for you before your time, so who are you to tarnish that with your unappreciative attitude? You cannot stand tall if you cannot learn to rise with your team.
As for me, I'd build my team/network from heart, drive, motivation, discipline, adaptability, and selflessness over strictly talent ANY day! If I had a team who possessed all the talent in the world and felt entitled to their earnings, it would be hard to convince them I could teach them anything more. Those who have heart...they are the ones that crave personal growth. Plant your seeds wisely.
When did we start playing for the name on the back of our jerseys instead of the front? When did the PART we play not include a WHOLE? When did we start finding value in competing against our own teammates, rather than with them? And when did we start using excuses over truth or reasoning? When did we stop taking responsibility or accountability?
Growing up, I learned that leadership was taking initiative as a part of something for the betterment of the whole. I learned that leadership is selfless, it's guidance, it's setting an example. It's taking criticism and turning it into strength and bravery. It's observing. It's taking your own mistakes and asking how to change them. It's observing others mistakes and learning from them. It's about not letting our own pride stand in the way of being there for the rest of the team.
It's about casting out your characteristics, and putting yourself out there without the fear of failure. It's about letting go of excuses and holding on to faith and perseverance. It's about being resilient. It's about taking a bad day and making the next one better with no exception. I never felt a sense of entitlement. We were aware of our own talents and flaws, but we learned the talents and flaws of our teammates as well, because only then could we reach our full potential. Ego was not boisterous, and we were encouraging rather than discouraging.
Leadership taught me about being appreciative, not how to demand it. It taught me how to excel in life. It taught me that my individual strength has value for not only me, but as an asset to my network or team. You don't outgrow leadership...it manifests itself into all aspects of your life. If you choose to internalize leadership, then you might ultimately be choosing to short yourself of the skills it takes to be successful in a world made ip of all sorts of teams, traditions and networks.
No matter what kind of team you are a part of, whether it is sports, work, family, group, band...etc, you are a part of something bigger than yourself! You are representing your family, school, company, community, or organization. You represent the pride and traditions of something others built for you before your time, so who are you to tarnish that with your unappreciative attitude? You cannot stand tall if you cannot learn to rise with your team.
As for me, I'd build my team/network from heart, drive, motivation, discipline, adaptability, and selflessness over strictly talent ANY day! If I had a team who possessed all the talent in the world and felt entitled to their earnings, it would be hard to convince them I could teach them anything more. Those who have heart...they are the ones that crave personal growth. Plant your seeds wisely.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Happily Ever Afterwords...
Growing up, we learn what kind of person we should look for. We learn about attraction, playing hard to get, how to ask someone out, how to tell if someone likes us...etc. Fairytales taught us (sometimes in a very dark way) how to persevere until we get our happy ending. In retrospect, I realize nothing ever taught us about what happens next. "Happily ever after" really means "I don't feel like writing about the complexities of relationships and there's no point because half of them fail anyway". Where the hell do we learn about how to thrive once we get everything we want? How do we know what to do in unfamiliar territory? The more I thought about how much we didn't learn about relationships growing up, the more I realized it's all about the concept of understanding. Especially when it comes to needs and wants.
Sometimes you need that blunt friend. Sometimes you need the support of a sibling because they understand where you came from. Maybe you need the affirmations from a priest or pastor, or other faith-based leader. Maybe you need a forum of people online telling you how to handle something. Maybe you need a stranger's perspective. Either way, no matter what, we as humans have a lot of needs. And for some unfathomable reason, we develop this unrealistic expectation that we are to look for "the one" who can provide ALL of these things and meet ALL of our needs. One.single.person. It's no wonder you always hear "I'm never going to find Mrs/Mr Right!"
That's what's wrong with relationships. They are so full of pressure, expectations, and desires that turn into demands. We cannot expect one single person to provide us with everything we will ever need. We need our friends, we need our family, we need strangers, and music, and running, and groups, and books. We need our escapes. We need OURSELVES. Our lives are so dynamic, so how can we expect one person to understand every part of it?
So where does a partner fit in then? A "perfect" partner is the one who knows they aren't perfect, nor will they ever be. They understand the difference between being a perfect person and being the perfect person for you. They understand that they will not understand everything about you. They are aware that your needs will sometimes go beyond what they can provide. But most importantly, they will be okay with all of this. And furthermore, it won't stop them from still trying...every day...trying. They will sometimes fail miserably, but they won't see it as failure, and honestly, neither will you.
You see, the "perfect" partner will aways know that not everything involves them, but they let you know they will be your everything when all else fails. They ultimately know they cannot give you everything, or be everything, or understand everything you need, but they are beyond elated to die trying.
Relationships require nurture and balance. Communication and self control. Compromise and sacrifice. Apologies and intimacy. Trust and understanding. Time alone and time together. But the sacrifice and compromise and balance isn't about give and take. It's about measuring your self worth and deciding that the other person is worth the same. Supporting the relationship like you support yourself. Knowing that your being should be celebrated, not just tolorated.
Be your partners rock. The rock they can climb when they need a new perspective, the rock they can throw when they are frustrated, the rock they can lean on when they need something sturdy, the rock they can kick when they need you to understand their pain. The rock they can hide under when everything needs to fade away. And lastly, be the rock that is strong enough to realize you are not the solver of all his/her problems. Strong enough to know not to internalize them reaching out to others as a feeling of inadequacy. Strong enough to see that his/her happiness and peace doesn't depend on you making everything better...rather, it depends on knowing you would do just about anything to get there.
A good relationship involves two people who are okay with not agreeing on everything and not having everything in common. They take those dissimilarities and, instead of holding against one another, they grow into different perspectives without straying from their own since of individuality. In arguments, they know it's not always about who is right and who is wrong....or that it may not even be about right and wrong. Sometimes it's about challenging each other to see things, think about things, and respect things in a way that let's you as a person grow. Arguments don't HAVE to end in an agreement...they are an opportunity to just need to feel heard to see that there's more than one way to look at something, even if you still disagree. For instance, you don't have to agree with me that donating time or money to a charity at least once a month is something we should do, but thank you so much for listening long enough to understand why I believe it is, and thank you for helping me understand that sometimes it may not be feasible.That, in and of itself, is all we should want...the willingness and the effort to understand. and when understanding it is hard, or seems impossible, it doesn't mean a deviation from compatibility, it simply validates the reason why we have friends, and family, and lyrics, and books, and strangers. You see, coming to an understanding isn't the need that needs to be met....the effort to want to understand is. And until people can accept the realistic expectations of relationships, they will not be ready to put in the actual work it takes to manage them. If things get tough, you BOTH work, together and separately, to fulfill needs not being met. Take responsibility in your part, but be sure not to take responsibility for your significant other's part. If it means making sacrifices, make sure those sacrifices do not interfere with your self worth and values, otherwise your relationship with result in resentment and disdain. It will inevitably fail.
If you cannot accept that relationships DO take work, and that it's not always going to be like the honeymoon phase, and there will be struggles, and that you never stop learning, then how can you expect to learn to appreciate the value of what you put into and get out of the relationship at all? For better or for worse doesn't mean you get to pick one....it means for better AND for worse. How can you respect how sturdy the foundation of which your relationship was built on if you never try to get through a storm together? It's like building a beautiful house with everything you ever wanted and then not living in it because you don't want to have to deal with the upkeep, or you're scared to mess it up.
Get INTO a relationship to get something of value OUT of it...if it happens to be a lifetime together, then build a strong house and remember to clean it and take out the trash.
Sometimes you need that blunt friend. Sometimes you need the support of a sibling because they understand where you came from. Maybe you need the affirmations from a priest or pastor, or other faith-based leader. Maybe you need a forum of people online telling you how to handle something. Maybe you need a stranger's perspective. Either way, no matter what, we as humans have a lot of needs. And for some unfathomable reason, we develop this unrealistic expectation that we are to look for "the one" who can provide ALL of these things and meet ALL of our needs. One.single.person. It's no wonder you always hear "I'm never going to find Mrs/Mr Right!"
That's what's wrong with relationships. They are so full of pressure, expectations, and desires that turn into demands. We cannot expect one single person to provide us with everything we will ever need. We need our friends, we need our family, we need strangers, and music, and running, and groups, and books. We need our escapes. We need OURSELVES. Our lives are so dynamic, so how can we expect one person to understand every part of it?
So where does a partner fit in then? A "perfect" partner is the one who knows they aren't perfect, nor will they ever be. They understand the difference between being a perfect person and being the perfect person for you. They understand that they will not understand everything about you. They are aware that your needs will sometimes go beyond what they can provide. But most importantly, they will be okay with all of this. And furthermore, it won't stop them from still trying...every day...trying. They will sometimes fail miserably, but they won't see it as failure, and honestly, neither will you.
You see, the "perfect" partner will aways know that not everything involves them, but they let you know they will be your everything when all else fails. They ultimately know they cannot give you everything, or be everything, or understand everything you need, but they are beyond elated to die trying.
Relationships require nurture and balance. Communication and self control. Compromise and sacrifice. Apologies and intimacy. Trust and understanding. Time alone and time together. But the sacrifice and compromise and balance isn't about give and take. It's about measuring your self worth and deciding that the other person is worth the same. Supporting the relationship like you support yourself. Knowing that your being should be celebrated, not just tolorated.
Be your partners rock. The rock they can climb when they need a new perspective, the rock they can throw when they are frustrated, the rock they can lean on when they need something sturdy, the rock they can kick when they need you to understand their pain. The rock they can hide under when everything needs to fade away. And lastly, be the rock that is strong enough to realize you are not the solver of all his/her problems. Strong enough to know not to internalize them reaching out to others as a feeling of inadequacy. Strong enough to see that his/her happiness and peace doesn't depend on you making everything better...rather, it depends on knowing you would do just about anything to get there.
A good relationship involves two people who are okay with not agreeing on everything and not having everything in common. They take those dissimilarities and, instead of holding against one another, they grow into different perspectives without straying from their own since of individuality. In arguments, they know it's not always about who is right and who is wrong....or that it may not even be about right and wrong. Sometimes it's about challenging each other to see things, think about things, and respect things in a way that let's you as a person grow. Arguments don't HAVE to end in an agreement...they are an opportunity to just need to feel heard to see that there's more than one way to look at something, even if you still disagree. For instance, you don't have to agree with me that donating time or money to a charity at least once a month is something we should do, but thank you so much for listening long enough to understand why I believe it is, and thank you for helping me understand that sometimes it may not be feasible.That, in and of itself, is all we should want...the willingness and the effort to understand. and when understanding it is hard, or seems impossible, it doesn't mean a deviation from compatibility, it simply validates the reason why we have friends, and family, and lyrics, and books, and strangers. You see, coming to an understanding isn't the need that needs to be met....the effort to want to understand is. And until people can accept the realistic expectations of relationships, they will not be ready to put in the actual work it takes to manage them. If things get tough, you BOTH work, together and separately, to fulfill needs not being met. Take responsibility in your part, but be sure not to take responsibility for your significant other's part. If it means making sacrifices, make sure those sacrifices do not interfere with your self worth and values, otherwise your relationship with result in resentment and disdain. It will inevitably fail.
If you cannot accept that relationships DO take work, and that it's not always going to be like the honeymoon phase, and there will be struggles, and that you never stop learning, then how can you expect to learn to appreciate the value of what you put into and get out of the relationship at all? For better or for worse doesn't mean you get to pick one....it means for better AND for worse. How can you respect how sturdy the foundation of which your relationship was built on if you never try to get through a storm together? It's like building a beautiful house with everything you ever wanted and then not living in it because you don't want to have to deal with the upkeep, or you're scared to mess it up.
Get INTO a relationship to get something of value OUT of it...if it happens to be a lifetime together, then build a strong house and remember to clean it and take out the trash.
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