It's A Process

Oh where to begin with this one...

As many of you may know, I am teaching economic stability, parenting and relationship skills classes to a group of men in an addiction treatment facility, but what you may no know is that I probably learn just as much from them as they do from me. It is quite an amazing journey.

They are so motivated, so open and so participatory. It really is more than I could ask for out of a group of people who are coming together to learn useful skills. I have been teaching there for months now, however, I feel like there is still a disconnect with several of the men there. I have had to dig deeeep inside myself and realize that while learning is a process for them, it is a process for me as well. So, I have collaborated with some of the guys there for feedback. What can I do to get through to everyone, I ask. Then it dawned on me....I may not get through to them all. It may just be a few. It may just be one.

And that is fine.

I see endless potential in a few of those guys, and I am dedicated to their success. I have developed a whole new passion for this area of work. There is a new spark, a new motivation. Do I feel like this is exactly where I am supposed to be right now? Absolutely. They make me want to revolutionize recovery. They inspire me. I am inspired by people all around me every day, but it has been a lonnng time since I have been inspired at work. It feels good.

But it isn't easy. It is hard. Very hard. I have not been in their shoes, I have not had their experiences. I have a different capacity for learning than they do. Not bigger or better....just different. I can empathize, but I cannot sympathize. It's frustrating because I don't want them to think I am above them, or I am just some female with an agenda as I stand behind the podium and teach from my manual. Discussions have gone awry, and have gotten heated, but we recovered with lessons learned.

So how do I teach a group of people about responsibility for their children, relationships, and finances when they are still working on their responsibilities for self? I don't have an answer. I have watched movies, documentaries, done research and still don't have an evolved enough idea of what to do. So I did something I have never done before.... I went straight to the source. I asked for help...from one of the participants. Through much discussion and much research, I am learning how to better communicate and get through to these men. I am learning their language, their learning styles, and where they are in their process.

So next week will be different. There will be no podium separating me from the class. I will be facilitating class with them rather than for them. I will do exercises that make us all appreciative to have to opportunity to be a part of something that is bigger than we are. Everyone in the room has a voice, and they will all be able to use them; they will all be heard. We will all matter. Once we break the barriers keeping the group from cohesive learning, we can all contribute to the lessons learned without fear of judgement and criticism.

Through this, I have found it motivates everyone. It is refreshing to get the perspective from who I am trying to educate, and I am sure it is refreshing to them to see me trying. I push them because I know they can do it, but some of them push right back. It is unfamiliar territory for me, but I love it! I have learned so much! They have people rooting for them, but I want to put my words into action. I want to let them know I am here and that I mean that. It's a process, but I am happy to report a few of the gentleman in there are seeking help through me, and I couldn't be more proud of them for their efforts. And the appreciation I have for the gentleman helping me better relate to these men is beyond words. I am blessed.

My point in all this is we are human. None of us know everything, but it should never mean that we should stop learning. It is okay to ask questions, that should never be a fear. The most unexpected things can teach us the most valuable lessons, so embrace all experiences. We are all right where we should be right now, so we should learn to fill in those pages with good influence, hard work and thanks so that the next chapter is rich with rewards and new opportunities to make a difference in our own lives as well as in the lives of others. We all serve a purpose, so make the most of it because you may only get one shot to make a difference in a person's life. You may be the only one making that difference.

Peace and Joy,
Beth

With This Year, I Thee Shed

A New Year resolution should be just that. It should resolve something, and in order to resolve something, one must first identify a problem. What worries me is that many people jump to the usual: lose weight, eat healthier, exercise more..etc. I'm guilty of this perpetual reasoning, by the way. However, I cannot help but to think if this is the biggest problem we see for ourselves, then how superficial are we as an ever evolving species?

I think we should start looking at what we can gain before what we can lose. That's right, I said the nasty G word...gain. you read that correctly, but hear me out....

Try to gain hope, faith, perspective, and awareness. Gain more accomplishments, motivation, autonomy, respect, generosity, kindness, and appreciation. Allow yourself to gain confidence, empathy, acceptance, imagination, experience, and courage. Gain more of an understanding for loyalty, forgiveness,  patience, and trust. Gain new traditions and hobbies. Gain more knowledge, compassion, and fulfillment.
More importantly, gain a giving nature, a thoughtful mind, a graceful soul, an unconditionally loving heart. 

Gain an altruistic mindset and benevolent spirit. Gain sight of beauty in all things and people, sight of silver linings, and sight into cultural differences.
Gain insight on political candidates that you have the freedom to vote for. Gain the ability to learn from differences in opinions rather than detest them. Gain a job that makes waking up something to look forward to and a partner that makes you feel that they were born for the sole purpose to coexist with you in everlasting harmony.

While those are just a few among the many of things you can work on gaining, gaining something this year doesn't sound half bad anymore now does it? However, I know some of you will be more inclined to maintain a focus on losing, so if you want to lose something, consider this:

Lose: negativity, regret, doubt, and selfishness. Lose constant complaints, bad attitudes, hate, blame, and excuses. Lose using manipulation, deceit, and judgement. Lose the concepts of  fear and what ifs. Lose self sabotaging behaviors, toxic people in your life, and narcissistic attitudes. Lose the unrealistic expectations, grudges, stress, and bad habits you have been holding on to.
Lose clothes you haven't worn in 3 years. your cell phone at dinner, and the procrastinating concept that you "will get to it later". Try losing yourself in meaningful conversations, in a good book, or in captivating lyrics of meaningful music. Lose the excessive make up, you're already beautiful.
Lose the word normal, because really, what does it mean, and who does it really apply to?
Lose the concept of "cutting to the chase", because the art of communication and story telling is already struggling to survive, and what a beautiful art it is.

You see, I personally would much rather have the weight of a few extra pounds evenly distributed all over my body than the weight of the world on my shoulders. Free yourself of the burden of living a less than mediocre life. Bask in the satisfaction of leading an incredible life by indulging yourself in endless helpings of constructive thoughts and optimism!

We are all broken in some form, but it doesn't make us damaged goods. We all have the ability to do better, be better, and feel better. If you can do good, and be good, and feel good, but you aren't quite there....ask yourself "what's stopping me?" And THAT....THAT my friends is what you need to lose. The weight of those restraints far outweigh the few extra pounds that make you feel unhappy. I would much rather have the body weight that at least keeps me warm than the mental weight that has the potential to make me cold.

So with this year, I thee shed....
I'm not saying I am going to be a brand new me, because honestly I'm not that unhappy with who I am. I am merely saying that I recognize my ability and my potential and I am simply going to just try a little harder to contribute to the good things life has to offer.

Much peace and joy,
Beth